Hi  ya ... 

Life is so crule sometimes and the word fare doesn't come into it ....

It's only when someone goes through this themselves do they understand ... and a lot of people with cancer find employers uncaring  too... I'm so sorry ...

Now I've got a feeling if you phone McMillan and ask their advice ... they have a legal team, who can advise carers too .. as it was to do with cancer ... find out your rights ... others have challenged the work system and won their case ...

I'm also hoping  [@davek]‍    pops by, as he's pretty good at where to go about your rights ... good luck and don't give up ... you've gone through a real tough time in your life ... now its time to fight for you ...

Chrissie x

Thanks for your words of advice. I feel the more I live in this world without my dad the more I don’t feel apart of it anymore. I’m really struggling to pick myself up in the mornings and it’s only for my little girl that I do. I hide everything from my mum as with her M.S she can’t support me falling apart. Nobody cares at work, friends who I thought were friends don’t care anymore. I’ve lost my marriage (although it wasn’t great anyway) all my future has gone and the family I thought I was going to have. I have to share my daughter now (last night was the first time in 3 years we have been apart at night). I’m probably going to loose my home also and now perhaps my job ️ 

I do have my physical health (touch wood).

I feel like I’m stood at the edge of cliff and I’ve got what little shred of energy left stopping me from falling. The only thing that can save me is my dad and he isn’t here so I need to work out another way.

This is such a horrible time for you....there is nothing like a crisis to find out who will be there for you....you certainly do find out who your true friends are! And it can be quite sobering....

chriss is right.... try giving Macmillan a ring, they should be able to point you in the right direction....

much love to you sweetheart xxxx

Sorry I just reaslised I sound so needy and pathetic.

Hi ya ...

You know l lost both my parents in my 30s... and boy were they a huge part of my life .. but you know if l lost everything l owned and had nothing and no one right now ... if l had my son at three, boy nothing else comes close ... everything can be sorted, if you reach out ... your baby looks up to you like you do your dad ... your her world ... yes she may spend time with her daddy .. but while growing up, we NEED our mum's . .

Your dad held your hand growing up... now its your turn with your baby ...  you do NOT sound needy and pathetic ... far from it ...you've been and are going through a huge trauma ....  your dad will be looking down now saying "go on girl, you can do it" if l go from this cancer and I looked down and my son was really sad , I'd find a way to kick him up the bum ...

You need to get these feelings out .. find out your rights .. and find the strength to take your employer on .. even if that's them 're writting that assessment ... they should hang their head in shame ..

So stop looking at the whole picture ... it's overwhelming... look at one problem at a time ... get to know your rights ... show your employers what you find out ... I'm sure even if you looked for another job, someone else may just empathise about your loss ... there are good caring people out there... it's just finding them ... and those you work with probly have no idea what you've been through .. 

Sort your job out, you won't loose your home ... and even if dad has her now too ... lots of families are sharing kids now, it's a part of life .. you can do this ... one step at a time ...

When you feel that edge of cliff feeling ... look down by your side ... there's a little girl who loves her mummy ... she is the most precious gift you'll ever have ... and your dad will watch over you ... you havnt lost him .. he's tucked up in your heart safe ... your half of him .. your daughters a quarter of him .. so in having her, you still have a part of him ...

Your amazing ... your loving ... your caring ... I care about you, and I've not met you ... call the Samaritans if needed .. talk to them .. reach out ... Marlyn is listening ... I'm listening ...

Sending you a great big hug ... Chrissie    

You don't sound needy nor pathetic.....you sound like your grieving......don't be hard on yourself, there are no rules where grieving is concerned....xxxxx

Hello Sarah83.  I am pleased you have come here to open up - sometimes we just need to let it all out and this forum is the place to do that.  Your job - not knowing what kind of organisation employs you I don't know if you have a trades union (if you have then use it!).  If your reviews were good until your father's illness and you kept them informed at all times about what was happening that may well be taken into account.  Were you able to talk to your Human Resources department about the problems you were having - if so then there should be a record of the conversations.    I believe Chrissie is referring to the Disability Discrimination Act which (I believe) mainly deals with employees with cancer but you should still talk to (for instance) MacMillan as they will have had many discussions with people who have been in your position (MacMillan can be conacted on Freefone 0808 808 0000).  I am sure it all seems too much for you to handle at the moment but deal with the problems one at a time and you will find your feet (and stand on them!)  Keep in touch.  Annie

Hi so sorry for your loss if your workmates and boss are like that you want to find another job not all people are like that. When I was having kemo my boss told me just to come I when I could he didn't mind he asked if I needed any help. 6 months later my wife was very ill he said take all the time off I needed to and he still paid me, if you get a good boss they don't mind helping you out. Hope you don't mind me talking about myself but there are a lot of good people out there who will help others now matter what (just like you) good luck no matter what you do & best wishes.

Billy 

Thank you all so much for your kind words for me when you are all going through your own troubles. I just feel so overwhelmed at the moment. I have so many things riding on each other and links in the chain keep breaking. I do need to eventually look for a new job, one that gives me meaning and with people who are kinder. My boss does know about how hard I have been finding things but just sadly isn’t interested.

At the moment I need to prove I can afford to keep our house on my own so need to keep my job. My Husband is taking the divorce really badly and keeps breaking down everytime I try and bring it up. His father died a few years before mine and just recently his sister had a massive accident and at 38 she probably will never walk again. He is using all this against me  and it’s hurting me a lot. But he has hurt me very badly over the years, very aggressive and didn’t/ couldn’t (I’m not too sure) support me through my dads cancer.  He got very aggressive over money and constantly snapped at me when I just needed him to tell me it would be ok.  Anyway I’m always trying not to upset people and I’m always getting upset myself! I should have challenged my review at the time but didn’t have the energy. 

You are are so very right about my daughter. She is everything I have right now. I’m only sorry that she/we won’t have the family I thought we would. 

I think I feel the world owes me but it doesn’t work like that. I have to try and pick myself up and do it myself.

Sarah, just a thought about your work.  It might be a good idea to make notes for yourself about how your dad's illness affected your work.  It is easier to do this now, detailing what happened when and when you spoke to your boss or Human Resources about your situation.  It can be difficult to think straight when you are having to talk about your reviews and having notes to keep you straight can make things less stressful.  Apart from anything else, if you are going to be looking for a new job you will need a fair reference. Annie