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Is it normal to feel nothing?

Herbfaerie
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My mum was diagnosed on Dec 5 2018, by Jan 23 2019 I no longer had a mum.

I don't feel anything. I know it takes time etc, but I don't think that my mum is dead. I think I'll wake up and it was all a mistake.

I have cried but it felt like someone else was crying. I feel like I am on auto pilot.

I am also taking oxycodone for my own pain, (longterm illness), and wonder if this could be why? Also, because I am housebound atm, I was unable to go to the hospital to say goodbye. 

Is any of this making any sense to anyone, and is it normal?

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    Good morning seems your an insomniac to . Oxidation odone is a very powerful pain killer it's probably having a dampening effect I take tramadol for pain but have a think has your mum really gone she may have physically but maybe spiritualaly she may be whatching over you don't think ime some sort of crank before I lost my partner I was the biggest synic on the planet I thought it was all rot but so many things have happened over the ten months she's been gone I have a different view on it not I feel her some how maybe some of us have that sixth sence whatever it is I'll take it .we all grieve differently in so many ways there is no right or wrong way don't go away there there will be others come on and chat but as we are both early birds it will be a few hours yet so don't worry your doing ok I read others that feel numb it's so early for you .can I suggest you ring your local hospice they have trained councilors that can help it not a magic bullet but you get to ask questions about how you feel and they will listen and give you advice you don't say if your dad's still with you if he is ask him how he feels so if you can ring the hospice ask for the chief councilor tell her or him what's happend and they will help you ime sure if you can't get out they will come to you my name's Paul and wellcome to cancer chat some of us are grieving some have cancer .we are on here to help oneanother some like you I'll with others things there is also the Macmillan and Marie curie helplines the number is on internet and there's Cruz bereavement line all free they will send you information to help just ring tell them what's happend and they will chat they are all very friendly and there to help you and give professional advice .if you are religious have a chat to you priest or vicar don't be alone I'll not load you up with more you will get others come by and chat as I said it's so early for you ime so sorry your going through this and your poor mum but it's you now that need to heal because we do heal .paul 

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    Hi there ...

    You may not be able to get out, but you'll find someone here that will chat and help you through ..

    The feeling numb is quite common .. l think it's your brain knowing it can't go visit at the moment and trying to make sense of the thought of loosing your mum and have no control on the situation .. and it's trying to prepare and protect its self from her going ... if that makes sense ... 

    I also had that numb feeling after loosing my mum .. me and my two sisters had to a range a funeral ... something none of us have done before ... get the certificate... clear her council house ... and she died suddenly from a heart attack .... so we never saw it comming ...

    It was like we were all in a dream/nightmare and l was going through the motions, and l think that's the only thing stopping me "loosing the plot" even at her funeral, l didn't cry ... and couldn't understand it as we were as close as mum and daughter could be .. she was my best buddy ... 

    I think looking back, mum had wrapped me in cotton wool to get me through ... and think she was right there by my side ... so maybe your mum's wrapped you up too .. everything is o.k .. if you want to scream, then scream .. if you want to cry , then do , if you feel numb, that's o.k .. just go with what your feeling, and know nothing is normal in loosing someone ... 

    I hope you have someone to give you a hug right now ... but I'll give you one of my vertual hugs ...

    Chrissie

  • Offline in reply to Paulus

    Thank you for your advice. I thought MacMillan etc were for patients. Its good to know I can talk to them.

    Thanks again Paul, my name is Tammy.

    Namaste

  • Offline in reply to Chriss

    Big hugs back. Thank you Chris. Its funny as that was my mums name(Christina), and I hope you're right, even if you're not, I am going to believe that my mum is here still. 

    Namaste

  • Offline in reply to Herbfaerie

    Hi Tammy yes McMillan are there for everyone this rotton disease takes the good to . But do try the counciling as it's early for you yet it's a long road is grief and grief just about goes through every emotion we have at one time or another .the councilors can explain these feelings as they can be very confusing at times at any age it dosnt' matter how old we are the thing is it dosnt' come with an instruction manual so pretty much how you feel is the right way to feel ime surprised more having replyd there's a group of lovely people on here that come on to support people keep coming on if you have questions we will try and answer them for you or just give you a bit of support we are not experts but a lot like me and Crissie have a few degrees in the universaty of life we are mums dad's siblings grandad and Grandma . But like you we all have had many questions when we loose a loved one we still do at times  Paul

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