My mum has died from lung cancer and I’m heartbroken

It’s been nearly 9 months now since my mum lost her battle with small cell lung cancer, no sooner was she diagnosed she was gone, she was also in denial and I could not talk to her or tell her how I felt and I also didn’t get the opportunity to listen to how she felt because she did not want to talk about it and no one could even mention the word cancer to her  so she ended up suffering in silence fearing that she would upset us, I feel so broken and lost without her and the only thing I seem to constantly think about is the horrendous suffering she went through, I tried so hard to help but don’t feel like I did enough for her although everyone disagrees and says I’m beating myself up as I was there everyday but I just can’t help these strong feeling of guilt.

i miss her so much but the only memories I seem to think about are her final months from diagnosis to when she died and it’s causing me so much pain that it’s haunting me and I don’t know what to do, it’s almost like I’m having flashbacks, when she passed I did not cry and carried on as normal for my daughter and I think I’ve blocked everything and caused myself more problems by doing so because it keeps popping back into my mind randomly. Seeing and caring for someone you love with cancer is the worst thing ever and those feeling of hopelessness are so painful, everybody just expects you to be over it now and life goes on but I feel like it’s only just hit me now after 9 months and I have nobody who understands what I’m going through and I feel so lost.

  • Oh I am lost for words for the pain and grief you must be feeling. It's now been just over 3 years since my mum passed and I wrote this message in the midst of my grief and confusion. Time is a healer as the saying goes and it does get easier although I still miss her and struggle with how she was taken. That feeling your feeling is so hard to deal with and it being your boy is really heartbreaking.

    Sending you lots of love and kisses. My heart is broken hearing what you have been through. I'm so sorry for your loss. Xxxx

  • Thank you Annie, it's been over 3 years now. Feeling ok now but still haunted by the horrendous way she died. So sorry you have lost your dear husband. Life can be so cruel at times. Xxx

  • Thank you for your kind words. It's been 3 years since I wrote this post as we lost her in July 2018, it's a lot easier with the feelings of grief and flashbacks but I still miss her very much. No one in the world compares to your mum and I'm so sorry that you have experienced the same as me. Thanks for your kind words, really means a lot. Hope you can feel better soon too. Big hugs. Xxx

  • It is cruel it’s johns first memor1November dreading it but I’m luck got 2 wonderful children who will help me  get through it will take you along time to get over your mums death  but we’re all here for you lv annie x x

  •  

    Hi Annie,

    I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your husband. First anniversaries of all kinds after a passing are always the most difficult. What ages are your children? Could you do something special in memry of your husband's life in November? For a long time we tend to be haunted by final memories, but I'm sure that you have a lot of good memories to look back on too. Dwelling on these will help you to pull through.

    My thoughts and prayers are with you and, please remember that we are always here for you.

    Kind regards,

    Jolamine xx

  • My children are grown children 40 and 42 we intend it to be special day honour him for the hero he was and especially for my 11year old granddaughter the love of his life lv ya annie x x

  •  

    Hi Annie,

    I am so glad to hear this.Your children are old enough to give you some support and, I'm sure that, alongside the sadness, you'll all feel better for recalling happier times.

    My thoughts are with you all,

    Kind regards,

    Jolamine xx