Ah yes, 2 world wars and no penicillin, no running water indoors, my grandparents didn't have it easy at all either.  It does put things into perspective, I am not so used to loss as my grandparents or parents to come to think of it,  thankfully.   

I now understand why my parents worried about me all the time, you get to a stage when it sort of reverses ..  xxx

Hi there

Thank you all for your posts. I lost my dad to cancer on 26th December, 2020 and I cry every day.  I get through each day of work and looking after my beautiful girls  but I feel my heart is truly broken inside.

My dad was my best friend and my rock. He always looked after me and after 41 years still called me his little petal.  He made me laugh like nobody else and I adored him and I feel like I can never get over losing him.

I know people do say it gets easier with time and I hold onto that, but I just feel like I dont know how to live without him.

Michelle x

Hi Michelle,

This site makes you realise you are not alone and we are all feeling it.

I cannot believe my pal has gone ... just gone. I cannot comprehend it. I'm on 10 months now , the horror still hits and a get a panic , hot sweat , nausea , these have got less and some days I think I've got my head round it others not. I cry daily for what happened, the loss , the gap in my life. You start to live with it, I wanted a magic wand to take it all away and give me answers but I know that's not going to happen now and it's down to me to manage. I've to carry on without him. That's the really hard bit as I don't want to. 
you think your the only one , you are not xxxx 
 

I can still see and hear my dad in hospital.  They said he was unresponsive.  But I would say I love you dad and he would say 'I know Pet'.  So I know they were wrong and he was there for me as always.

It takes time, a lot of time but good memories do start to overtake the trauma.  I'm at 2.5 years on and still have my bad days and always will I expect.   Still marking every little anniversary and going through the photos because he was such a lovely dad.  xxxx

Jube, hang in there like I did and am still doing.   You sound a caring person and that's why you feel it so much.  My brother misses my dad too,  but not like me so I can't talk to him easily as he thinks I should have moved on by now.  I'm sure he loves him as much as I do but some of us just take  it  much harder.  Others don't always get it but those of  us  here do xxx

You are pretty much right there. I blamed myself for decisions put on me during first lockdown , I kept him home I shouted for meds , the responsibility was too much in my mind , small steps. We are appear to be feeling it similarly though xxxxxx 

Thanks for responding.  It definitely helps knowing I'm not the only one.  The hard thing is you put a face on to the world and people just assume you are OK. Everyone stops asking how you are doing and all you want to do is shout out that you are not OK. How can you ever be the same again when you have lost one of the most important people in your life.

I agree with the posts of anxiety as I feel it too.  My dad had always been the one that helped me in life  my rock. When I suffered a nervous breakdown a few years ago, he pulled me through.  I feel scared without him and a burden of responsibility to look after everyone.  I worry for my precious mum too as she was married 45 years to dad, since she was 18 and they were so in love.  I'm spending lots of evenings with her after work and constantly checking in on her.  I feel so sad for her loss too.

Thank you for your kind post xx 

Hi

I also lost my lovely dad in December 2020 to lung cancer, he had battled for 18 months so I feel I had some time to prepare for the inevitable, I also believe he's at peace but I miss him so much. I feel I've been the strong one for my family and still, 6 months later I feel I am carrying them and don't have anyone to talk to except my husband. Work colleagues and friends give the impression that I should be getting over it by now and even after just having my 1st Father's Day without my dad no one has asked how I am feeling leaving me feeling angry at others and questioning whether my expectations of people are to high. I am a strong organised person and think people see this in me without seeing I still need a hug and kind words. I feel so let down as I know I am carrying and supporting others and getting nothing back.I often feel selfish for thinking like this. 

I know exactly how you are, nobody asked how I am after loosing dad as my mums still alive. It's like he had a wife she's gonna be upset no point asking you. 
move had to sort everything and I've two older brothers. 
mots almost a year and first Father's Day threw me some turmoil. 
I went on a course at work - Bereavement and Loss, was unsure if to or not but I found it helpful, the trainer chatted to me at the end and I said like you people think I'm the strong one and it all goes for me ..... she told me to read - 

The Curse if The Strong  by Dr. Tim Cantopher , now the book talks about depression but not that suffered by those with long term issues but by people like us that cope and cope and cope but there's an overload fuse goes. I found it quite easy to relate to me my personality and a bit that's gone on. 
mots short (as my mind won't concentrate yet, another trait of the turmoil) 

you are not alone, your normal and really people are *** with death and get it all wrong. 
hold on tight xxxx