I lost both of my parents to cancer within the last two years and I watched each of them suffer and slip away over a ten month period. I was with my Mum until her last breath in the hospice (she had bowel cancer and widespread metastases inluding many in her brain). It was very traumatic and I miss her every day but I had largely managed to pull myself through with support of friends and family. Life began to recover some vague degree of normality.
And then I got a request to go for NHS bowel screening and it has brought it all back. My Mum's consultant urged me and my sibs to go for screening whn she was sick but I put it off. Now I know I really should since I've actually been asked - but I am terrified of going in case I get told stuff I don't think I can cope with yet.
It's all still so fresh. Even hearing the words 'bowel cancer' set off anxious cycles of rumination which lead me into bereavement and despair. Don't know what to do - ignore and continue moving forward or go for the tests and pitch myself back into that frightening world.
