Hi there,

Sorry to hear about the loss of your father.

It is pretty hard to do all things on your own for the funeral and following that looking after your mum etc.

No doubt you are stressed running around things which probably you have not done before.

But I think you should count yourself lucky to have been there for your dad and also now being there for. your mum.

If you have taken too much time off-so what! Don’t worry about what your colleagues will think of it.If you can afford to take so much of leave and are allowed it what is the problem?You  have to think about your health and well being .No doubt work is important but family comes first.So concentrate on yourself and the family and get better.

People grieve in different ways.If you are finding it difficult to cope perhaps you can arrange for bereavement counselling through your GP. That might help.Talk to your friends and family the more you talk the less crazy you will feel. This forum is a nice place to chat and let out your feelings.We are here to help and support in any way we can.So don’t worry.You are not alone.All will be well soon.Time is the best healer.Hope you sort out everything soon and feel better.

Best wishes and Regards

Radley

Hey there, 

I agree. Take the time off. If you're entitled to it and can afford to please do it. Family and your own health comes first and if you don't look after yourself now you might find you end up needing to take more time off in the future anyway. I know it's difficult. I can't imagine anyone being cross with you over this, you have been through so much and still are going through it. I would hope your colleagues would be worried and concerned that you've needed this time off not cross and if they react any other way it says everything about them and nothing about you. 

This place is fab for chatting and everyone really supports each other so if you need anything let us know. 

Best wishes. 

Xxxxxx

Hey 

It's so nice to meet you, unfortunately it's through something so tragic, but I'm sure you'll find many people on this forum who can relate to you, and who will offer helpful advice and be there to talk to, you can always message me any time you want to, even if it's for a somewhat normal kind of conversation, or for you to vent or anything you want to. I'm so sorry to hear that your Father passed away, after a brave battle with this cruel disease.

Firstly, I'll start off with how strong, amazingly helpful and caring you have been. For you to take the time off of work to care for your father in such a way, and to be there supporting your Mum too, that alone is something amazing that you've done, and you should be so proud of yourself, especially because you spent as much time as you could with your Dad before he passed, and that alone is something that would have meant the world to not just him, but your Mum and yourself. You did an amazing job, and sound like you still are doing an amazing job by being there for your Mum and children, and making sure your children carry on with their normal routine, and planning his funeral and everything inbetween is no small task, but you did it.

As for the time off, I completely agree with your Mum. Take as much time as you need. After giving so much of yourself mentally, physically and emotionally, you need time to process what's happened, how things have changed, grief and everything else that has happened. This may take weeks or months, but you have to focus on you right now, because if you keep going and going, you'll just end up breaking down and it'll be a lot harder. So take the time, and really let things sink in. Even if you cry a lot, let it out. If you feel angry, vent (if you don't wanna do it to family, you can always do it to me) and if you feel any kind of way, let yourself feel it, and get through it, rather than covering it up and trying to get over it. And with your colleagues, if they're angry because you have taken time off to take care of your Mum and Father in his final weeks, and now have anxiety to deal with on top of all that (I have crippling anxiety, I know how you feel and how bad it can get) then they aren't very good colleagues. They should understand and empathise with you and the heartbreaking situation you've been through/are in. If they're mad, let them be mad. You're the priority, not them, so don't let their feelings get you down, you've got much bigger worries than their opinions. 

Like I said you've done/are doing an amazing job, and you deserve a medal for the way you've coped with everything you've been through. Just take the time now to really make sure you're ok. No one would want your health to suffer as a result of not doing so. Sorry for the huge message! Haha. 

Lots of love, hugs and healing to you and your family, and remember to message me any time you want to, I too have lost family members due to Cancer, and can relate to you. Remember, you're absolutely amazing! 

Love, 

Alexia xxxx

Hi thats what grief does i wears you out emotionaly and then you dont have the strenght to fight all the guilt feelings and shall i do this what do people think its the lthe consious brain that deals with reality .i found just doing simple things like bills etc just dealing with day to to day life seems so hard and then the anxiaty hits so you realy have my sympathys your doing ok when i lost my partner the slightest things seemed impossible but as time whent on and i started healing i did a few things and i felt a little bit better .so just hang on the pain stress and everything else slowly dwindles grief is an illness and yes we do go crazy but dont worry it gets better as time goes by you and your mum are going through one of the most traumatic of time you will ever go through your poor mum must totaly be lost when you parner in life passes its truely like they take half of you with them its funny we are the carrers but who looks afrer the carrer so just do the minimum you have to dont worry about work ime sure they will be feeling for you. Not that they will but if they are why worry about them just care for you your mum and you family they are the important ones in life nothing eles is anywhere near as important try a bit of counciling if your mum dosnt want to go go with here sounds silly and triviul but its not try take your mum to the park for walks we are part of nature and its hard walking about you will find when you get back you will feel slightly better nice and safe to be at home but not good all the time.you dads just gone to another place not gone its a pity theres no visiting in heven or wereever we go ore we would all want to be there so just do things slowly and eventualy you will not feel so crazy best wishs and so sorry about your poor dad .but time for you both to get yourselves better. Paul

Hi sorry your going through this ive ive done it myself you sent rply to me have a read of mine same applys yes cancer is flippin evil best wishs paul

so sorry to hear of your loss.

only you knows the battle you have gone through in your own mind and through the love and care you have showed during the toughest of times for your family. If time off is what is needed for yourself to heal and come to terms with all you have been through then so be it. Do not concern yourself with what others may think. You will know when the time is right and don’t push yourself into anything you are not ready for. After all the love and care you have shown it is now time for you to look after you .