Hi Paul,

Her cancer was very aggressive, the triple negative type which to be honest knowing what I know now only comes with a very bleak outlook from the word go. Some patients can tolerate the treatments and respond well to them, but ultimately over time the illness will win, some people just live a bit longer than others, and that all depends on how early it is detected. That is the crucial key element of what increases or decreased the chances of long term survival, and I truly believe that if it is detected early enough then it could even be removed and treated before it spreads therefore effectively curing it! My wife also got diagnosed with Dermatomysitis which is a rare condition in itself and is very much as aggressive and damaging as the cancer. She was really knocked when she was down already! I wear her wedding ring and that keeps us close. I just wish that in this day and age we could do more to stop cancer from killing people. Grrrrr!

James

Your right liz was misdiagnosed they saw it growing didnt tell us then said wasnt cancer it was something else after eight months come back and said it was thats a double wammy theres this blasei attitude going throught the nhs i could go on and on i think the should do a pet scan every so many years if they can save a few .they do mamery tests it would save a fortune and the uter misery of relatives .ime not grieving for myself ime grieving for lizs lost years like you all the things she was going to do she had had a rotton life and was finaly happy getting to do things she allways wanted to do with me instead of playing second fiddle to so ******** but shes gone but you there was a point where that lonelyness went dont know why not figuerd that one yet only rhat i feel shes with me now ime still here so i have to live my life without her . James your nowere near how i am but its getting on towards 10 months now and my family are grown up ime picking myself up again!!! Its not the first time either but ime getting a bit fed up. I was just like you it was going round and round but it does dwindle ive noticed and i was the same that if we let go of the pain its like letting go of ower loved ones but it dosnt work like that i would rather remember all the nice times rathere than suffer all the horrors ive seen . But you have to griev . But there are ways to make it less painful and guilt ridden they say we all grieve differently perhaps that maybe true but ive notice that we geive the same but it jiggles about and apears that .way the lady who wrote about the five stages of grief said she realised it wasnt cutcand dryed the way she wrote because loosing a parants difrent to loosing a partner it depends on age etc but loosing a partner is the same no matter the age . How old are your children how are they coping. ?? Are you getting on with them ok sonetime the pains so bad all we can do is look in and forget everything else i was guilty of that to a point my daughter said dad you are going to have to toughen up well it worked for me but not everyone else and she lost a child and my grandson so i couldnt say what do you know because she did so now ime looking out .p

I'm so sorry James, I lost my husband 2 days ago and I totally feel everything your saying.

Keep talking is all I can say as I don't have any other answers myself.

I'm thinking of you.

Best wishes.

At the moment the grief has been quite intense & I have cried more in the last 48 hours than I have since my wife passed away. Crying so loudly and uncontrollably that it woke our kids up last night! The torturous frustrations and senseless confusion of it all just gets a bit too much.

There are just so many wrong things about it, my wife lost her life, I lost my wife and the life we had together, the kids have lost their mum and the life we all lived and knew has been changed forever.

It is all just so soul destroying, and I hate the fact that there are people all over the world going through this torture right now, and there are also people who will tomorrow discover 'that lump' which is going to change their lives in a way they never imagined was possible. Cancer really needs to be sorted out and stamped out for good!

James