Hi ime realy sorry your suffering this rottin rottin diseas takes its toll on the ones that are left your mum must have been quite a lady to fight it so long .but its you now that needs the help now .gtiefs an odd thing isnt it have you realy been ok or just suffering in silence .i can only make a suggestion that you try some bereavement counciling its never to late its not showing weakness ime 64  i lost my partner 9 months ago i blub regularly did you find you felt better afterwards ime sure your partner dosnt mind so long as you dont take it out on her .try some more counciling join a bereavement group .i rang the local hospice for counciling thinking they would be more knowlegable and was right i was talking to a guy who never got over it because he had become so depressed but he couldnt help himself as depression does that so see how you go us guys try to tuff it out and we suffer for it but we are programed to be tough and upstandind but the toughest sometimes need help also a trip to gp explain how you feel they can get you help which you need to get you out of this rotton pit your in at 14 thats a awful time when your young cancers a thief dont let it steal your life to.paul