6 years since my mum died and it still hurts just as bad.

My mum died 6 years ago of breast cancer. I was 15 and It was sudden and painful, 3 weeks after we found out it might be cancer she died in my arms. I write to her on facebook ever couple of weeks telling her i miss her and what my life is like now. I still get the pain in my chest that I did when she died when i rember that she isnt here. sometimes I like to play sick games in my head where i pretend she is still alive, talking to her in my house or imagining what it would feel like to ride in the car with her beside me. Sometimes I see women that resemble her in shops and I stare at them, pretending they are her. I pretend that I am strong, that I am brave but I miss her and I am scared of living without her, even though I have for the past 6 years sometimes I remind myself that she isnt here and I feel terrifed of living without her. My dad turned to alcohol after my mum and left me, I found a lovely boyfriend but I still yearn for a parent. I tuned 21 the other week and I cried the entire day. I couldnt help but think about her missing such an important date. The thought of my wedding and the birth of my first child makes me feel sick with worry; What will I do without her and how do I carry on? 

  • Bless you, you were so young I thought I was young when my Mum died from breast cancer (I was 22) and like you my Dad hasn’t stepped up so I feel parentless too. My Mum died 4 years ago and I agree with everything you’ve said. I try and talk to my mum too and tell her about all the changes in my life and I think that’s a good thing to keep doing! It feels like life is split in two- life with mum and life without her. I understand why you pretend she’s alive sometimes and why you stare at women that look like her, I do that too! I have two brilliant older friends at work (40s) who are like my work Mums and it’s really supportive but they will never compare to my mum. When I’m stressed or sad or happy or anything really I miss my mum so much. I too am scared of living without her and dread things like getting married or having a child. Just keep your chin up chick, if you feel brave and strong great but if you don’t just let yourself cry or whatever you need to do, you don’t always have to be brave. When I really miss my mum I like to look through photos and wear one of her scarves with her perfume on so I feel close to her and think of all the memories. Your mum is still with you because she’s made you who you are and know that she is proud of you!! Am here if you need anything xx

  • I know this post is old, but out of grief and pure desperation i've been searching the web for people who have gone through what I have and I resonate with everything you said. I lost my mother to breast cancer when I was 16 and her deterioration was very quick. It felt like my life went from pure joy to pure despair within a matter of months.  It has taken me 5+ years to get over the shock and denial of my mums death and now I feel I am left with the numbing reality that my lovely mum is gone. 

    Now being in my early 20's I feel paralysed and unable to progress in life the way my peers have - I feel stuck at 16. This makes me feel like a failure and like there isn't a point in going on. It's horrible to feel so stuck. I miss my mum terribly, we did everything together, she was a truly wonderful soul. I thank God every day that I was blessed with 16 years of her. She put a lot of love into our relationship. 

    So I feel comforted knowing that I am not alone in what I feel and I too will take comfort in seeing strangers who look like my mum. These are the little things that help us get by I guess. I'm not sure if the pain of this grief will ever go away but I do hope I continue to heal and I hope you have too.

    Love to you and everyone who has lost a loved one x