Hi Sarah its a hard road to travel grief can come and go like waves like stood in sea you can keep stood up then bang a big one hits you and your under panicking and slutering. i lost my partner end april .ive been up and down must days ok but it hits you again and again you 9 months is not very long for grief have you been getting out ?  Have you had any counciling its not wonderful cure all thing but have you found people want to change subject whe to start to talk about your dad or worse ignore what your saying isnt that anoying .at least councilers dont do that . All i can say is just try and hold on to your sanity i was imocionaly exhausted and still get is you probably are to and when that happen you just have nothing to fight the dark thoughts guilt feelings etc that bombard us talking is the best way to move through this i lost many members of my family including mum and dad so i know how much pain your in but i allso know that eventualy you will get your emotional energy back and fight these dark thoughts isnt it funny we say i me myself yet theres a constant battle going on inside our brains one side giving us guil another say why should feel guilty its not logical to feel that way . But it does get eisier as you get your strengh back so try and fight these feelings if a bad thought pops in think of a nice thought eventualy it will stop so hold on keep thinking i will feel better and eventualy you will coming on here to chat is a good thing if it gets to bad go back see your gp or ring samarSamar hearing a friendly voice is a tonic best wishs .paul