Hi Beaux xx 

So sorry that you find yourself here after the loss of your Mum xx please don’t apologise - you are welcome here and can speak about anything on your mind xx 

I know how you feel because I also lost my Mum to cancer (advanced lung) and lost her quite quickly after diagnosis. This was a few years ago now and so I’ve come through it....but I remember all too well the feelings you describe. 

What you’re feeling now is completely normal....and please take it from me that you won’t be living with this intense pain and sadness for the rest of your life. That is a terrifying thought, I know....but it’s a false one....you will find yourself getting stronger as the days go on (it’s such a recent loss for you and so give yourself a bit of time xx) 

I can remember thinking to myself that I couldn’t imagine a time when I would feel happy again or when life would start to feel normal (the world felt like it had changed...and felt very different the morning I woke up after she died). But....eventually, with a bit of time, things start to go back to normality. Today - of course I miss my Mum and I’m sad she died...but it no longer feels like it did in the early days of loss (not like a knife through the heart anymore) xx I’m sure this will be the case for you too xx 

Cancer is so cruel and unfair. I am really sorry you’re going through this xx please - let us know how you’re getting on and come back anytime (sadly you will see many people on the same journey and so you dont have to go through this alone) xx take good care xx 

Oh Beaux, I am so sorry for your loss...it is the most awful time to see someone you love so much go through such a cruel illness, it isn't fair and there are no words at this time that will take away the pain, it's still very raw. I understand exactly what you mean when you say you feel like a little girl again, my mum was 82 and I am 55, the age doesn't matter though, doesn't lessen the heart-break, we've lost our mum's. I keep seeing in my mind, a photo of when I was around 4 years old and mum is holding my hand and it breaks me. My mum passed away 26 September and I have struggled to move on,  I am trying to accept it but it is very hard; I had my first counselling session yesterday, basically cried for most of the session....but I am going to go again next week. 

I am not sure whether you have talked to your GP, mine was very understanding or maybe counselling may help?

As I am further down the road on this journey, I can say that although there are god awful days, there are days that you can see some light at the end of the tunnel and for sure, our mum's wouldn't want us to have this pain and sadness for the rest of our lives....

Don't apologise, it's good to 'talk' , it is hard but it does get easier, try not to look too far ahead, a day at a time, that's ok, whatever you feel and whenever, it's normal.

You're not by yourself, people here on the forum ....they understand.

x

Hi Beaux2011

I too lost my mum to bladder cancer that had spread to her liver. She died just 3 weeks ago. It's hard to comprehend what happened and I can hardly believe she's gone. I fear her absence will become harder to bear as the weeks turn into months.

The way you described the progression of your mum's illness was very similar to what happened to my mum. I don't have any words of comfort to offer you - this is such an awful, awful time. But somehow reading you post helped me realise that this terrible thing hasn't only happened to my mum and that someone else understands how this feels. Thank you.