Hello Jill and welcome to the forum.  I think a lot of people will relate to what happened to you.  And you cannot help but feel "what if he had been diagnosed straight away" and of course we don't really know the answer but it can nag away at you.  It must have been a shock that your dad died so quickly after the diagnosis - not that you would have wanted him to suffer for a long period and it is a blessing that he passed peacefully.  It was a similar situation with my mum and I really was not ready for her to die - but glad she did not suffer.  I (and my sister) stayed in my mum and dad's house after she died, sometimes both of us and sometimes just one of us but we made sure that dad had someone with him.  Time was taken up in seeing visitors, arranging things that needed to be done, writing letters, sorting out my mum's finances etc. and these little rituals pushed us along.  It was really after the funeral had taken place that we felt bereft as visits were fewer.  We just took things as they came.  Fortunately my mum and dad had many good friends living nearby and when eventually we could not be there with dad all the time (we both had to return to work) he was looked after by several neighbours.  Don't feel afraid to do what makes you feel better even if others might find it odd.  I did lots of little things and still have my parents wedding photo and several belongings which I like to keep.  Be kind to yourself.  Annie

hello 

i can relate, i lost my mum in Oct, dad was already terminal when we lost her but he went down hill fast and 7 weeks later on the 4th Dec we lost him, we cared for him at his home and im still lost numb and not coping i keep ringing his mobile i keep thinking this hasnt happened ill wake up but sadly it has happened i think im going to ask for councelling to try and help me make sense, like you the funeral , xmas and new year was a blur i was just going through the motions like a robot and still feel like im doing this now .... i havent cried since the funeral .. i try to talk to my hubby but i dont think he gets it .. im numb so cannot grieve .. i thini he thinks im holding it all in but believe me id love to cry and get it out but i cannot 

x 

I am a 50 year old married woman with 3 teenage sons but I am still really struggling with the death of my dad to pancreatic cancer. Even though my beloved dad died  on the 26th October 2017 surrounded by my mum, my brother & I & our spouses at home in his bed which was a blessing, I know that I really have not come to terms with the quickness & the suffering my poor dad endured with this dreadful cancer. 
Lots of people have said that in time the heartbreak will become less painfull & I wont dwell quite as much about losing him but there is not a day that goes by that I don't think about him, how much I miss him & how hard it is to carry on knowing I will never see him again or hear his voice.
His GP sent him away saying he probably had gallstones & not to worry as he was feeling unwell & had back pain. By the time he went back as he was still in pain, had gone even more yellow & lost a lot of weight it was too late. He was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer that had spread to his liver & other organs & was told it was too far advanced for them to be able to operate & chemotherapy was not viable as he could have a heart attack because he was so thin & weak. Angry doesn't even cover how I still feel about what happened & our family 2 days before Christmas 2019 was dealt with another devasting blow that my mum had the diagnosis of Altzheimers disease & vascular dementia & I know that I will be the person who cares for her & will have to watch her disappear in front of my eyes. 
Immediately after the funeral it was like I should forget about him. A friend said "IT'S ALL OVER NOW" after she left the funeral but I thought it is just starting as after his death we were so busy organising the funeral none of us had time to really grieve. Not one person apart from my husband & kids have asked how I am, it's like time has passed by & by now I shouldn't be thinking about his death & certainly not talking about it but I feel I should be asked & should be allowed to open up how sad & upset I still am & I think I always will feel this way when I think of my dad

Can anyone give me help & advice to be able to move on & enjoy life without my adored dad

Thank you very for listening to my story

Hi JillH,

Sorry for your loss. 

I believe everybody thinks certain things will never happen to them and when it does it's a massive shock. I felt the same as you. Hearing people sharing their stories about their loved ones having cancer or dying from cancer and you sympathise but not on their level because it hasnt happened  to you.. until it does and it's the most horrific journey and now you know exactly how they feel. 

So very sad and heart breaking. I lost my dad aged 52, 8 weeks ago, one week before my first baby was born.  I miss him dearly and every day I feel a hole inside of me, not enjoying life to the fullest because he is not here. 

I wish the pain would go.

Amy xxx

Hi Jill, I can relate to your grief. I lost my husband of 40 years to the same thing in March. It seems difficult to diagnose but you feel that the doctors don't even consider it, they suggested peppermint oil might ease the pain. All I can say is try not to carry any guilt and if you want to cry just let it out. Keep his memory alive for your children as he would have been a big part of their lives. I hope over time you can live more easily with this, it is a new chapter of your life lived in a different way. Look after your mum, she must be devastated as well. Love to you and your family x