Hi i’m Reaghan, i’m 16 and my mom passed sunday night after battling lung cancer for almost 2 years. My mom declined very quickly in her last 3 weeks and it was unexpected. I loved my mom a lot, and for a long while we didn’t have the best relationship but we grew closer in the last couple months and i’m grateful for that . It was hard to see my mom the way she was because so badly i wanted her to magically get better but it wasn’t reasonable. I cried to her wanting her to get better, i cried at night, i cried to my boyfriend. I got very emotional in the last month. She died very peacefully, and the last thing that was said to her was by me and it was that i love her and me and my dad would watch out for eachother. I noticed when she stopped breathing before anyone else did and i broke down for a couple minutes. After that i had tears fall down throughout the night but since then nothing but getting teary eyes. I don’t understand it because I would tell my boyfriend if i’m so sad now how am i going to deal when she does die? And now that she’s gone I can’t cry , I want too and i loved her dearly she was an amazing mother. I feel bad for not breaking down like everyone else has. My friend asked me how are you not bawling your eyes out. Before she died i would look up things like how long does the loss of a parent last, and it said the first year is rough and painful. But in this moment i don’t feel it and i can’t understand why and i’m just so confused. she’s my mom , why can’t i feel the pain from her loss. Have i already come to accept it or is there something wrong with me.
