There’s nothing wrong with you at all ... when my mam passed away she had just had her 52nd birthday I was 36 ..we grew up together I suppose Cos she was so young having me...she was like my sister & best friend ..she had a secondary brain tumour that took her from me in a short time of 11weeks all told...& I was devastated .. but I didn’t feel I cried enough at the time , I was totally numb almost on auto pilot & I believe that’s our way of coping with the massive loss of a parent ... take care hun .. if you need to chat I’m here ...thinking of you  Amanda xx

I feel the same way. My mum died on Thursday after battling for 20 years on nd off from various cancer types. All My friends and family and friends of mums are telling me how heartbroken they are and I must be. Yet I have not been able to cry since I left the hospital she was in. 

My mum was my best friend. I’d call her to tell her everything we texted non stop. She was present at my little boy birth and we were very close to one and other. But I haven’t cried. I feel like I’m not grieving the way I should I’ve just got on with life as normal ????

Im so sorry to here about your mams passing... it’s an awful time and I honestly think thats how we get through these awful things that happen to us in life is to go into autopilot .. nothing seems to be real or normal ...I think it’s our body’s way of dealing with the shock of it all .. 

I wanted to reply to you because I posted something similar when my mum passed away. I couldn’t understand why I couldn’t cry and to be honest it’s because it hadn’t hit me yet, I thought it had, but it hadn’t. You might find a year or two down the line you start to let it all out. I think for me it must have been a self protection thing, my body wouldn’t let me cry it out because that meant processing what had happened. I found instead that I would sometimes feel like I couldn’t breathe because I was bottling everything up inside. Don’t put any pressure on yourself. You are most likely still numb at the moment. I did go see a bereavement counselor and I’d recommend doing the same. I hope you find some peace with it all.

Hi sweetie 

I'm the same, mom passed on the 24th Aug 2019 after a 14 month battle and been given the all clear twice.

Back in June this year she was told after chemo and radiotherapy on her brain everything was dormant 3 days later she was rushed to Nottingham Neuro surgeons as she was paralysed from her breasts down( I've never heard of cancer causing paralysis before). 

Anyway long painful storey short she spent her last 2 months totally paralysed in her lower body doubly incontinent and basically helpless.

Cancer took everything away from her, even her legs!!!!

I'm so angry, Angry they put her through another bout of radiotherapy, ( knowing there was nothing they could do for her) Angry at her treatments but most of all Angry at Mom for leaving me she was my world, My best friend. And I feel so bad that since she passed 2 weeks ago ( I was a blubbering wreck) but I have not shed a tear since. I keep, same as you, thinking, What's wrong with me? But there's nothing wrong with any of us! It will come I'm sure.

My thought are there to everyone out there that has been, going through this it's a B*****d heart wrenching illness.

Love to you, and anyone else, But we will get through eventually xxxxx

Lost my mum on Wednesday after a 2/12 year battle with Ovarian. It was incurable at diagnosis. I was identical to OP and mourned heavily during the illness and googled all those things.

Now I feel .... normal.  I’m so relieved she’s out of pain and mental anguish that seems to be overshadowing the grief?

When big things come, Christmas, birthdays etc I know they will cripple me. But when she was first diagnosed I was in serious trouble. I couldnt read, couldnt listen to music, couldnt concentrate on anything. Classic grief. Now? I’m just worried about my dad and how he’s going to cope.

I’ve spoken to friends, family and my brother.  My brother feels the same, like he did a lot of the grieving when she was ill.

the day she died I cried a lot and I have a little sob every morning when I remember, but I just seem to pull out of it.  What’s wrong with me!? She was my best friend and the foundation of my life. As long as mum was there I knew I could do or survive anything because she had my back unconditionally.

I’m dreading when it’s going to hit me because Iknow its going to be bad.

the above posts were a while ago, so I would be interested to hear how you guys are now.

L

Hi Reagan, I lost my mam 9 years ago, who we fought like cat and dog but we were so close too alike I guess she was sick and nobody knew y the docs checked her out, she had blood tests done, scans done but nothing showed up but my mam was in agony and cudnt walk so I demanded a letter to take her to the hospital, 2 weeks she was in and they found secondary cancer, then they kept findinding it but not the primary she had gone through so much pain we told them to stop looking we knew we had at least a year which turned out to be only 6 weeks from she was admitted until she died.. From A&E I never left her side.. I broke down before and when she passed I just went into autopilot until the graveyard I cudve dived in beside her, I went numb then I visited her every day I went before I went to work on my lunch and before I went home I'd lye down beside her like I always did but I cudnt cry tink I was done just broken.. Now I can't go near the graveyard it's too painful. My dad had a stroke last year and was gona b fine but took a heart attack a few days later and he's gone now to be with my mam and I'm still in shock over it doesn't seem real yet but my hearts broke again I cudnt cry for him duno y cus all I do now is cry for him.. We just have different ways to cope and grief hits us all in different and unusual ways, don't beat urself up or question how u r getting through it do what u need to do at the time to get through it and keep talking x