Bless your little heart. I lost my in laws within 5 weeks of each other in May and June to lung cancer. I took time off work  and moved in with my MIL to take care of her. Like you, I feel so guilty because the hospice nurse stayed for one night and sent me home, Rose was sedated when I came back at 6am and hadnt come to at all when she died at 10.50. I hope she knew I was there but I will never know.

Losing in laws must not be anywhere as awful as your own parents and I know I'm overwhelmingly sad still. I can get by but then I'll be a complete wreck. 

Perhaps time heals? I hope it does. We are busy with all the practical stuff at the moment. Just had their headstone put up and probate has come through so we have to focus on sorting their affairs. Practice things FOR them make me feel a bit better, like I haven't just moved on.

Counselling sounds like a good plan for you. I wish I had taken up the offer xxxx