Hi Mandy,

You say that you feel this last year, for various reasons, you didn't do so much with your dad.  That may be true but don't beat yourself up about it if it is.  Having other things going on is just life sadly and we are designed to always think there will be time.  Like all of us your dad will also have put stuff off in the past for various reasons, so he would understand.  Don't beat yourself up just for being human.

I guess the most important thing is do you think your dad would want you beating yourself up over this?  Or would he want you to be recalling the good times you had together?  Sadly you won't get more time now so feeling bad about what you could have done but didn't is only going to hurt you and take away from time to think about the positive times with your dad.

You are human, and life is hectic for most of us if we're honest.  Your love for you dad is very clear in your words and he will have felt it, that's all that matters.

Take care,

LJx

I’m so sorry about your Dad. But remember this, we all feel we didn’t do enough or spend enough time with them. It doesn’t matter whether we know their time is limited or not, we still feel that way. But they don’t! They will remember what you did do with them and the time spent.

Hi Mandy

The people that have replied have said everything and more than i could ,just want you to know that im thinking of you in this sad time in your life. My mum died of lung cancer nearly 5 years ago and she loved butterflies,every time i see one i say hi mum and start talking to it.XxX.

Thank you for your message Annie, it means a lot x

Thank you, yes you are right, I will try to keep focused on the good times we spent together x

Thank you for your kind words. I hope that in the future I can find some peace and calmness when the rawness of all this is in further behind me xx 

Hi Mandy

I understand exactly how you are feeling. I unexpectedly lost my much loved husband to prostate cancer on Christmas Day 2018.  I could write so much about him but nothing I can say will bring him back. It's still very raw for me. I have 2 daughters who, like you, miss their Dad terribly even though they live some distance away.  As I said to them, you must concentrate on your living family and try to look forward not backwards - make happy memories for you and for them. We can't change the past but we can influence the future.

LC

Sometimes I feel that it is a design flaw in human beings that we have no preparation for the awfulness of loss even though we know in theory that our parents are likely to die before ourselves.  Or may be it isn't.  We are perhaps while loving people are preparing for another deep emotion, that is the pain of losing someone who has been an integral part of our life.  I don't know how to reconcile these two strong emotions and wonder about the reasoning behind this if indeed there is any purpose to it.  Is it a price we have to pay - and to what purpose?  At least we are not automatons - we can feel enormous joy as well as enormous pain.  I just wish we knew the purpose of all this.  Sorry to ramble.  Annie