Hi Linda. . How did your second session go?  Where is it your mum was born?  That's a lovely idea xx

Wow you do sound stressed out nothing wrong with a bit of anger at times i got realy strung out i went gp because i thought i was loosing it myself in the early days in the end i went to gps and she gave me a very low dose of diazapam for a month got me over a realy bad patch sounds like your like i was i suppose in a way ime a talker .i got angry with some of my family and told some not to contact me if your feeling like i think i did. go to gp tell the dr dverything you told me or if you cant show them this post i felt robbed but i wasnt helping myself please go the strongest need help try not to go into yourself it makes it harder ive been for preop assesment today and the nurse was asking marital status and she was very kind but it put me on a downer but ive pulled myself up again you will be ok you have to just sit tight talk to your mum i still do with liz its funny but doing that realy helps your mum will hear dont worry she will want you to be ok its a horrible saying but time realy is a healer in fact its the only healer but it goes so slow when you feel the way you do just keep coming on here have a good rant. Its Its all about healing yourself we dont act rationaly because we cant till you get your emotional streght back it will come .Paul ps tell you what try putting all your feelings down every day you can put things down you would not tell otheres then go through it once a fortnight it will give you and idea how your coming on one week you may drop back then you go forward again you never go back much you allways go forward more in the end how old are your kids ive got three what a handfull they were and 40 years later they still are but i love em just the same have you boys girls or both how are they copping  must be very hard on them?? Seeing there poor mum suffering mum is god in the eyes of a child they nurtchure and feed you sort you problems thats your mum and now your the god to yours so hang on in there chum you can do it  .p

Hi kkkerry2, thank you for your replies, sorry I haven't replied sooner, hope you are coping ok?

I have had 3 counselling sessions now, I'm not really sure what the effects are, I still can't speak about mum without crying, I find it difficult to remember happier times with mum, I want to but not quite there yet. Dad won't speak to me about mum but he will open up more to my neice, so I hear 'second-hand' how he's feeling. I think he's coping as well as can be expected and he doesn't look as terrible as he did when mum passed away.

Mum was born and raised in Malaysia, a very young girl when the Japanese invaded, I don't want to have any conversation about that time, just heart-breaking stories.Only the human race that can be so cruel to each other.

It's crazy really, when I think about mum not being here, it doesn't feel real or possible, difficut to explain. Are you ok? How are you managing?

I think it will always be hard, part of our hearts broken...my dad said to my neice that he was glad not the other way around, he wouldn't have wanted to leave mum. He loved her for 60 years, how do you ever get to accept that loss?

keep strong, I don't know why I say that, as if it's easy to do...no choice but for a day at a time.

Sending you warm wishes

x

Hi linda sorry to but in . I was exactly the same at counciling i was in a state for months the counciler very rarely said anything till i started to get more level dont give up because  i still start to crack after nine months the thing is thoes first months are terrible .but the thing is after a few months the world gets back to normal but we are not people start to change the subject or dont listen at a time your starting to talk the counciling gives you that chance yes a cruel time the war but we still have the sycoes out there doing the same to people .best wishs paul 

Hi .

Hope you are OK

My Dad has recently been diagnosed with this cancer which has spread to his lungs .We have hardly been given any info on it and what to expect we are waiting for a apt with oncology to start palliative chemo I have read about ppl having a Whipple's op but we have been refused this and told us its incurable but not given a time limit .My Dad is his usual happy self with shortness of breath his only sign .

Any info would he grateful as long as doesnt raise bad memories for you please 

Hi I’m so sorry to hear about your dad. Unfortunately when it has spread to another organ they won’t offer the whipples. We fundraised over £70k for my mum to try options in different countries she went to America and they were going to perform the op and a partial liver resection this would have cost £90k but we errr in a position to do this. The uk were against it and said it wouldn’t work it’s a major major op and they said it would come back it turns out there were a lot more liver lesions than originally thought too and it had spread to her lymph nodes. We paid for private immunotherapy in Southampton which unfortunately didn’t work either and made her poorly. It’s such a rare awful cancer I’m afraid I think the hope and love mum had from everyone kept her alive so long but it wasn’t enough, they originally gabr her 6 months she lived about 16 months, she had chemotherapy twice oxylaplatin but was allergic on the second and had anaphylaxis so couldn’t have any more. What hospital is your dad at? If you have any questions I will try to answer them I couldn’t find anyone really with the same cancer I researched daily and would have fond anything to keep her alive x

He is currently waiting to attend hospital for the palliative chemo .Wish it would hurry up as feel like told us he's dying and left us to it but if have so many questions I want answered. Told his staging is T2N2M1 so arcarcinoma duodenum is metastatic sadly .

I’m not sure about the staging reverence I think mums was stage 4 as it had spread to other parts. I think your dads means maybe stage 2, 2 lymph nodes and spread to one part of body.. it’s a nightmare they just give you this awful diagnosis and no other help

Hi Linda How are you, Your Mum is so beautiful,

How have you been ? I've not been on any social or otherwise Media for months. I developed a real anxiety with anything on the outside of my 4 wall's, seeping into my head space. I started and stopped with the councilling, as hearing myself talk about Mum in a past tense, or even SAYING it out loud, sent me into orbit. I finally started taking anti-depressants. Largely through my sister doing so well on them, and urging me to try, and also I began to feel so genuinely ill, developimg all sorts of anxieties, which is not at all or has been a part of my personality. The very thought of spring, summer was sending my head in a spin, and so it was the best move I've made. They literally stopped the crying and choking feeling. I'm a bit wobbly at the moment, but driving in and out of london, which for a while I was unable to do, through anxiety and trigger's of memories which still hurt beyond explanation. I've thougt about you and Paulus and wondered how you are both doing? Love sent xx