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Loss of cancer

Gall123
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Hello , I’m new to this haven’t really done anything like this before as I’ve always held things in. I lost my mam to cancer the day before my 16th birthday( Ive just recently turned 21) but as it’s getting towards Christmas time I’ve never felt lonelier . I’ve still got my dad around but he doesn’t live with me as doesn’t have much relationship and if I’m being honest he doesn’t really bother. I live with my big brother but for some reason at this time of year near Christmas no matter who and how many people I know I have around me I just feel so lonely and upset as my mam was such a big fan of Christmas and I just miss her so much . If anyone could help me out with coping ways for this time that would be great because I just feel so lost at the minute . 

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    Hi Gail, I 'm sorry that you're feeling so lonely and upset and I can understand why, Our mum's were the very special person in our lives and to live without them is so hard. I am a lot older than you but losing my mum in September, it was strange, I felt like a little girl again who just wants her mum. 

    Everyone is different, but if you normally hold things in, it takes courage to 'speak out' here; people here on the forum know and understand your loss and others will reply letting you know that they too have similar feelings. I'm not sure if you talk about how you're feeling with your big brother or if it might be an idea to speak to your Doctor who could advise where to seek help.

    Sometimes I think about what my mum would say to me, how she wouldn't want me to be so sad. My mum loved Christmas too and I have bought a special decoration to hang on our tree together with a card to place in the cemetry. Although mum is not here, she'll be with us in spirit, I believe that.

    I hope that you can find some happiness this Christmas but it is ok to feel as you do, you loved your mum very much and at this time of year it will be more difficult. You had the strength to reach out on this forum and I hope you don't mind me saying...you will have the strength to in time remember your mum with happier memories.

    Post again so people here will know that you're ok.

    Take care

    x

     

     

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    Hi Gall

    So sorry to read your post. Christmas is always a dodgy time for me too (I lost my Mum to cancer too). 

    For me...the anticipation of it feels a lot worse than it actually is. Not sure if it is the same for you. I tend to feel a bit low and anxious on the approach to Xmas but find the actual day not as bad as I expect it to be. I just sort of...get through it (as the years go on it does get easier). 

    I agree with Linda. A chat with your big bro or your GP is a good place to start...tell them that you’re having difficulty coping with the loss of your Mum (completely understandable of course) and they may be able to refer you to someone who can make you feel a lot better. Also...not sure if you’re aware but you can often self refer to talking therapies without having to go through your GP. If you have a google of IAPT services in your area, you may be able to get in touch with them (therapy) directly and arrange for you to obtain some treatment to help you get through these difficult times. 

    I think...it’s definitely worth looking in to something like this. I think...when people experience grief they can get stuck at a particular stage and just need a bit of help to get the process moving along a little xx

     

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