Hi Ali

I just keep reading your post over and over again, from time to time as it resonates so much with what I am going through.

It has been 5 months since the death of my husband and like yourself, there have been so many 'firsts'.  What I can't get my head round and what I keep asking myself is how could it have happened from diagnosis to death in less than 3 weeks.  I still reel from the shock and suddeness of the whole sorry saga and keep playing over in my head asking if the clues were there but not picked up.

Like you, I shed a tear each day.   The door closes behind me and I am alone with memories for company and the thought of going through the rest of my life never to hear his voice or his laugh is just so painful.   Sadness has become a normal emotion as I have forgotten what it feels like to look forward to something whether it be a simple run in the car with a picnic or just enjoying a weekend together.

I really hope you, me and everybody else on this forum finds some sort of closure so that we can at the very least pick up our lives again and find some sort of normality.   It really is like living in a parallel universe where the sights and sounds are so familiar but with one huge difference; the love of our lives has gone forever.   

Take care Ali.   My thoughts are with you and with everybody else who is suffering.

Best wishes

Debi

Hi Debbie,

It is for the first time tonight that I read any posts and we all seem to have a tragic, cruel and hard tale at the hands of cancer.

It is not quite 6 months since my darling husband died in horrid circumstances and I too feel numb and living in someone else’s desperate life. Every day I mechanically do what I think I should but without joy, purpose or pleasure. I can even laugh at people’s stories without being aware I do it. I’m completely anesthetised to life.

I don’t believe there is any answer and the pain must be endured no matter how great it is. 

I wait and wait and then wait some more. For what I do not know. Do I have times when I think he may come home? The answer is yes no matter how ridiculous a notion I know it is. 

Please accept my sympathies my dear x

Hi I lost my wife June this year we only had a few day and no time to talk very much as I was in the middle of radiotherapy as well losing my wife half way through my treatment was devastating my children frog marched me to the rest of the radiotherapy she was always a happy woman and my soul mate I don't know about you but I will never get over her loss even in tears now at work I had a bird box put up at the crematorium where I go every weekend I write a live letter to her and post it in the bird box I just wish the pain would go away sorry for the rant a bad day

Hi, I am new to this site but I am feeling so desperate, all I want to do is close my eyes and not wake up! I lost my wonderful partner 16th August , due to mistakes by doctors, cause of death has not yet been ascertained, although he was suffering with a particularly aggressive cancer.  One week from being told to his death.  I sat with him for 9hrs the night he died, it wasn’t peaceful and I can’t get those awful images out of my head.  I scream and cry for him every day, all day.  I am completely exhausted and can see no life without him.

it was my wonderful man’s funeral yesterday and today the grief is terrible.  We had no children, He had children from his first marriage, but now the funeral is over I know there will be no further support from them.

I can’ t carry on with this post anymore at the moment, we were terribly private people and sharing feelings is alien to me.

Sorry.

Hi I'm so sorry for your loss weight some one told me the flashbacks of my wife dying were part of the greaving process it is horrible isn't it my wife passed in June I'm hoping that they ease a little soon I'm exhausted with them

Sorry for the spelling the phone has a mind of its own 

Hi, Sorry for your loss, 

I know that people tell me that the flashbacks will fade but it seems like they are on repeat, just going round in my head all day and night.  I can’t seem to do anything, I just don,t want to get out of bed, nothing means anything anymore. I stay in one room so Idon’t have to face too many reminders of my soulmate. How on earth does anybody cope with this awful longing ang emptiness. I cry so much my head hurts, I just want to be with him.

Hi sorry to hear that I have found that antidepressant tables do seem to help a little still get flashbacks but seem to knock the edge off the pain

Hi.  I’m so sorry for the loss of your husband. Unfortunately, everything you’re going through is normal and part of the grieving process. This doesn’t make it any easier I know. My husband passed away in December last year a week before Christmas. It was the worst time of my entire life. I also still have flashbacks of him taking his last breaths and that image and how I felt at that moment is indescribable . I miss my husband desperately every day but I think about what he would have wanted me to do and that is to take one day at a time, im sure all your days are terrible at the moment. I have bad days when I cry a lot and don’t want to do anything or see anyone. I just want my husband and nothing or no one else will do. Again that’s normal. You’re grief is personal to you and no one can say they know how you feel because it’s impossible for them to know. I could go on and on but all I can do is repeat what I said earlier, one day at a time. Take care of yourself. 

Gillian x

Last night I was in bed and had a dream that my wife came over kissed me and patted my arm it was like all my Christmases had come at once but can't understand the meaning of it instead of a cuddle just a pat on the arm still happy but wondering . this has only happens once before. right at the start of my bereavement does anyone know meaning

Hi Gillian, I am sorry hear about your loss, it is comforting to know someone truly understands.

i am usually a fairly strong person but this pain is something I never believed I could experience. Jeff and I were so wrapped up in each other that we did not need anybody else in our lives, of course that leaves me alone and totally isolated, I just want all this pain to end.

In the last six weeks, the only time I have been out of the house is to go to the funeral or the doctors, I did try to go to the local supermarket but ended up crying hysterically in the middle of the shop.  So now just spend my time in the spare bedroom staring into space or having a meltdown, can’t face being in the room where my brave man fought so hard to stay with me.

I am so sorry, this all sounds so self indulgent when you are facing your own sadness, but I just want it all to stop.

Thank you for listening, take care.

Ruth x

Hi, I don’t know if there is any particular meaning but what a wonderful experience, I am so happy for you, enjoy the fact that your wife kissed and touched you, let you know she was there, to reassure you.  Don’t try to over analyse it or the emotional simplicity may be lost. I can only hope that I may be as fortunate as you, that my partner will help ease my pain.

Take care x

Hi, I don’t know if there is any particular meaning but what a wonderful experience, I am so happy for you, enjoy the fact that your wife kissed and touched you, let you know she was there, to reassure you.  Don’t try to over analyse it or the emotional simplicity may be lost. I can only hope that I may be as fortunate as you, that my partner will help ease my pain.

Take care x

Thank you so much I hope you have a visit to so reassuring