Hi so sorry your having to go through this the pains indiscribable .seeing the love of your life its so early for you and i know you will not beleive it but trust me this pain does subside but it takes a while .i think we go a bit crazy for a while but eventualy that calmes down to you just have to hang on i lost my love 7 months ago and allthough it still hurts ime getting back to a bit of normality .sounds like you realy did your best to care for your partner and thats all you can do . If drs cant keep them going how can we but i bet you you tried .this cancer is evil it hides in places give know warning then it comes out and gets agressive from chatting thinking we were going caravaning my partner was gone in to days .misdiagnosed again .so try to get out to with people talk talk talk go for walks .join bereavement groups ring the samaritans if it gets so bad a kind ear to talk to realy helps and see about some bereavment counciling come on here and chat dont sit at home all day it makes it worse .so hang on while your strengh comes back best wishs paul ps at the moment nothing will take your mind off it a good helpline is cruse bereavment they will send you stuff through and they will chat and mainly listen as you need to tell how you cared for james thats how we all do and we need to talk . But hold onto the thaught that it will get eisier in time make sure you eat to as a carrer you will be weak and need tho get your physical strengh back as well as your emotional strengh we get exhausted .

Hey there

I don't know what to say other than you are not alone honey.  So many of us are going through this, have gone through it, and some on this forum have yet to go through it and will need you to help them at some point in their future. 

There is no right or wrong here.  I wish I could say something to take the pain away but I can't.  In my experience this week (I lost Steve on 25th November) has been worse than the first week, but that could be because I'm  not distracted by things anymore,

A new year does not just mean a new beginning, it's also a time for reflection.  Try not to think too far ahead or of a future without James.  Try and focus on what you had......think of a happy memory and keep coming back to it when the dark thoughts take over.  

As Paulus suggests, if things get bad (or if you jiust want to talk), call the Samaritans, or Cruse. Do you have a close friend who you can just cry with?  Family often are too close and suffering their own grief,

The only other thing I have tried that has helped me is to think how James would have wanted you to live.... I'm guessing he would have wanted you to slowly, slowly put your life back together and go on for the two of you......honour his memory and your marriage - KEEP GOING! XXXXX

Hi sussan i just saw your bad news to ime so very sorry about your husband this disease is evil i havnt forgot your kind post to me i hope you are getting good support yourself so my deepest sympathys to you both . Paul 

I am so sorry for your loss and sending you a big virtual hug as I know the pain you are feeling.
 

I found it so hard today. I made myself go out with my daughter and the 2 grandchildren. It was so painful as James and I were never apart, even going into the shop without him being there. Even isi the 2 yr old was asking me where grandad Jim was, he's asleep that's how he was last time she saw him.

When I came home I just fell apart  Can't stop crying now. 

People say things will get easier. I don't know how because nothing will change. He won't come back 

Hi i know its agony i realy feel for you as i have been in your place to  because i thought ime not going to let this rotton disease get me two so i did what i suggested to you and although it was realy hard it realy helped the pain does subside but the love dosnt i moved all photoes anything that were a constant reminder into spare bedroom and ive now started to bring them out crying is the best thing you can do it so gets rid of tenshion .try doing a little diery when your ready just how you feel that day then look back at it in a month and see how you have changed it realy helps but at the moment your not ready . Ime here now doing my best trying to help 7 months ago i couldnt do that so please see about some counciling as i myself found it realy helps becuse people try to change the subject when you want to talk and its so frustrating with counciling they listen you talk not them. but when you feel emotionaly stronger keep posting to me if you like i understand sussan ruth many otheres feel your pain and are in your position to so you will get many answers and support as much as we can. Paul

Thank you for your support  I have tried counselling before at a different time in my life but it didn't help 

We use to go caravanning. 4 yrs ago we bought a motorhome, James loved going away in it loved driving. Every boxing day we use to go away to Telford for a week over New Year. This year is going to be so hard 

sounds good i had been we had a tourer liz loved it sold it as couldnt carry that on liz love scarbrough thoe ive come to terms with that now .but at first it was agony just going in it . But you become desensitised to things like i said with photoes the thing is we are so so raw that anything we see pics memorabilia anything sets us off so i put them out of site and as the pains got less i bave brought a few back in liz wouldnt have minded at all why punish ourselves with it we still love and miss them the same the pain has got nothing to do with love but it seems if we loose the pain the love goes to. but it dosnt thats my view of course .so were you keen walkers then thats what put me off motorholmes ime a bit idle i dont mind walking somewhere its the walking back funny how we like doing same things but in a diffrent way i bet you feel robbed i did but after a while thats toned down now i thought thats it now i may as well be dead but i have seven grandkids and used to visit and play something rubs off and you forget for a minute which is great but not for long but better than nothing but gets better i truely though lifes over its not great but its better but we have to keep going for them aur children and grand children there made of us one lady put a signe up on her post about herself its a pity theres no visiting time in heaven if only . I thought very apt and wouldnt that be good . But was amusing in a way .keep telling me about yourselves ime happy to listen how are your children coping ?? If you dont want to talk thats ok i do rattle on a bit new year we always went to nothern soul event we took sandwitchs had a zapp on the dance floore this year ime going to light a candle sit at home and ride it out i would rather be on my own .but ime not going to be alone liz will be with me in spirit anyway i dont feel lonely now because i feel her .ime not religious at all but there is a life force in us