Yes but thats why uk  has a diffrent attitude to france they didnt suffer queen victoria or the victorians lol. P

Hello Dave,i totally misread your post ,i think i need a humour transplant ,i really must also go to spec savers i did not notice your emoji ,well i saw it ,but did not see the finer detail !! Carole x 

Funny carole your the only one i have ever heard mention emotional neglet not intenshional neglect but so prevelent in older age group but carrys through each generation  i dont think most sycologists have ever heard it .sussed out dave was joking but i do mine on phone so like you emoji was a bit blured  dave gives good advice out and like you crissie and many otheres give good support but sometimes it can get a tad close to home for us all i think . well does me . Regards paul

Hi there .. Firstly I am so sorry that you too have lost a precious Mum .. If it helps at all, I had a friend of over 30 years, who's struggles I'd shared who's woes were mine as she brought them to me. But when Mum got diagnosed for the few times (and I would say 3 at most) I reached out for information relating to holistic remedies, I barely got a reply. Or in the between times once possibly TEXTED and asked about Mum .. That there was enough for me to see the one sided single thinking of someone who I for years had considered a sister as opposed to a friend. I cut her out then and there, realising that not me, but my Mum's life was of so much value or should have been for her to step up, and have been more concerned about. In my trail of thought now, that the pain of losing my dearest and most precious Mum can never be matched by losing what I once thought of as a friendship. What she think's of me matter's not one bit, and revealing of what she thought of my Mum, by her lack of interest or offering of support or empathy, both hurt and angered me, before cutting her completely out. She was at Mum's funeral, not by invite, and she sat at the back with her head bowed, in thought or shame, who know's. Who cares?? She's gone from me, and it's a relief. Because the missing of Mum, the gaping hole thats left is too big of a burden and pain to carry, let alone having to waste any energy on trying to work out the mindset and action's of insignificant (in the face of loss) of other's we mistook as close one's. Save your energy for the days you are really going to need it, and waste not another second or give not another feeling of hurt, to one's who don't deserve it. Whatever their reason or excuse. Make it all inexusable .. Best wishes sent to you, for a better day one day soon x

NIce message from you Paul thanks,you and other folk you mention lovely people ,all speak from the heart and with the best of intentions ---so agree what you say ,i want to help but must be careful how i react i think ,ptherwise i am not going to be any good to anyone .best wishes ,Carole xx

Your doing ok carole .and to dave big virtual huggs .lol

A big hug to you too Paul x

That sounds so familiar, both the different family cultures and the bumping of heads :-) 

Strange that someone so tactile in his greetings is so lacking in empathy and consideration towards you and your husband.

My own family and my wife’s are equally reticent about PDAs, maybe it’s a Norrhern thing, but my brother’s Kentish in-laws and his kids are all very touchy-feely. This led to some interesting contrasts at a recent funeral. My cousin and I (who were very close as kids) shook hands, didn’t invade the other’s personal space, and quietly agreed that it was a blessing that his Mum had died in her sleep at an old age without knowing she had cancer. He looked a bit bewildered a few minutes later at being on the receiving end of big hugs and kisses from distant relatives that he didn’t even recognise. 

I guess it takes all sorts :-)

I hope you get through Christmas OK, it is often a challenge after a bereavement.

Best wishes

Dave 

Hi Carole .. Thank you for your message..

Unfortunately it's with the experience of extreme loss and the pain that's attatched to the loss, do we realise the insignificance of other's behavior, if we're weighing it all up on painfilled value.

I had a friend here yesterday going through a break-up which is rightly excruciating to them. And I understand it. But I couldn't help but silently wish that I was back in the seat of my friend's, and that their problem was what I was faced with, rather than a world, another sunset, a first second or third Christmas without my Mum .. 

Being a Mum, I'm constantly aware of how much worse it could be, and I pray for the well being of my cubs almost hourly lately. But that aside for the living that surprise me, let me down or fail me, so be it. Because Mum passing in essense is a anesthic to any pain from any other direction. 

Bless you Carole .. xx