my grandad passed away 5 years ago lung cancer spread to his bones then his brain i couldnt bring myself to say goodbye to him now all i feel is guilt i cry daily i was 16 and didnt want to believe it! i cant forgive myself for being so selfish
So many things left unsaid, undone, incomplete. Why didn't we spend more time at their bedside, holding their hand, saying I love you. I know the guilt these things bring when someone we love passes away, I have been crippled by it at times. The words that have consoled me and let me let the guilt go: God knows our heart. He knows our intentions, even if we didn't follow them through.
Hi sounds like you have got stuck greif is a very strange feeling and it seems that guilt goes with it we can feel guilt for the tinyest things .you must be twenty one now.can i put it this way if you read a post or story from a sixteen year old ime sure you would say well she or he was just frightend of loosing her grandad why should she feel guilty . But if its effecting your life to this extent you need to go and see your gp gnd arrange some bereavement councilling as its ruining your life they will assess what you need you cant go on like this at 21 you shouldnt feel guilt .because you have nothing to feel guilty for but you do so they can help you . Best wishs paul
You could write down the things you would like to have said and attach them to a balloon; if your granddad has a grave sit there and chat (I often do this when someone I have loved has died). If you are religious - and even if you are not - you can go into Roman Catholic church and light a candle in memory of your grandad - the flames are said to carry your prayer up to heaven (forgive me if I have got that a bit mixed up but that is how I have always considered it). You don't have to ask anyone's permission; people go in and do it all the time. I used to like doing that when I was younger but confess I don't even know if churches can be kept open like they used to be - risk of vandalism - but there will be people around on a Sunday. None of it is really necessary because your grandad will know that you loved him but taking some action might help you. And of course as Paulus says counselling can help - Cruse Bereavement Support can be contacted on Freefone 080 800 4040). But don't beat yourself up over what you did when you were 16. Best wishes. Annie
One of the hardest things in life is having to say "goodbye " to the one`s we love knowing we may never see them again. I have lost many members of my family ,some i have been there for at the moment of their passing others i have not .
I was 17 when i lost my Grand mother ,i knew she was dying i was very close to her and yet i could not bring myself to go with my family to her bedside .
I can see you felt the same and be comforted by what i say . This is not unusual especially if you loved someone so much ,you cannot bear to see them so very ill and not how they have always been for you ,you do not want that lasting image of them ,you are frightened of it,frightened of not knowing what to say ,as frightened of yourself and your reactions as much as anything. You want to remember your Grand Dad as he was and if the truth be known he probably would as well.
Please do not feel guilty ,turn that feeling into remembering your Grand Dad as the man he was when he was well ,once you start doing that your gulity feelings will fade and you will begin your journey of acceptance of his loss in your life .
This journey is long,but once you leave your gulit behind and start remembering good times with him you will begin that road to recovery.
Talk to him out loud ,tell him what you are doing ,how you miss him ,but also things he would be proud of you for ,when you want his advice you can still talk to him ----i have many a conversation with those i have lost ! ---no i am not crazy ----it is a grand way of keeping those dear in our lives and not breaking that connection.
If you have not told Grand Dad how you are feeling then its a good way to start ,cry those tears ,tears are very cleansing ,but also smile and remember happy times and good feelings you hsd with your Grand Dad when he was well,you know he would not want you being like you are now ,do this as much for him as for yourself .
