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3 years after dad died

Kwap
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It's been 3 years since my dad died after an 11 year journey with cancer. I don't want to use the word battle as he was initially only given a year but the longer he lived the more he ticked off his bucket list and chose to enjoy himself. Obviously there was pain and suffering but he handled it all with such pride. However I constantly felt like he was a ticking time bomb and every Christmas or birthday could be his last.

During this time I was mostly on fire building up a reputable career in charities managing events. He was incredibly proud of what I was achieving, as was I.

His last eight months were long. He went from hospital, to a hospice,  back home and then finally into and care home after he lost the use of his legs. He had prostate cancer. 

During this time I was working for Macmillan Cancer Support and they were amazing as they pretty much banned me from working so I could be with him.

When he died in October 2013 my mind went numb and has stayed numb.  I've lived in different parts of the country and done a few different casual labour jobs but I can't seem to get my life back on track, especially in the way my dad always encouraged me to do. 

I've completely lost my mojo, although according to doctors am not "depressed" but I'm not anything really. I used to have a wonderful imagination and could create brilliant experiences for myself. I had focus and visions and dreamed big. Now I feel as though I'm a dead piece of driftwood on a river that doesn't go anywhere. 

I don't feel like I can talk to anyone as people are always too busy...or so they say...and I also feel I "should" be over it by now. 

I cane across this thread and felt like reaching out. I guess I'm wondering whether anybody else feels the same and whether 3 yrs of an 11 year journey is just scratching the surface of grief.

Also can anyone recommended any support groups or grief counselling? I'm based in the Midlands 

Thank you for reading x

 

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    Hi Kwap,

    Thanks for sharing your story. 

    I'm just a cancer patient but I'm amazed that your doctor has said that you're not depressed as you have many of the more common symptoms associated with that condition. 3 (or 5 if your Dad died in 2013) is a long time to lose your mojo - though grief doesn't come with a sell-by date and GPs are reluctant to diagnose depression in someone who is grieving. I came across this article a while back which may be of interest www.psychologytoday.com/.../when-does-grief-become-depression.

    I'm not in the Midlands but I do know that both our local MacMillan and hospice sevices will signpost relatives to grief counselling services, maybe yours do too?

     

    Good luck

    Dave

     

     

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    Hi there it could be delayed grief its never to late for bereavement counciling you can get that from hospice realy helped me and bereavement groups thats a rotton thing to say you should be over it now .could be you put so much into keeping your dad going you became just your dads carrer and lost yourself i did when my patner liz pass i went from being a cappable never panich guy into a gibbering wreak because i had been living on adrenalin for so long it had given me so much energy .theres one other reason ime not a shrink but when my dad died i realised i had done most things to prove i was a good son so when he went i had nothing to prove anymore so i lost interest c.b.t could maybe some help you dont need to be depressed to get that i would go and see a younger gp they tend to be a bit more educatd and understanding in these things you usualy fill a form in on wether you have lost interest in things that once interested you ete they usualy work from that but obviously your first port of call should be another gp not all of them are good at this sort of thing .best wishs paul

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