Hi tamiloki, 

thank you for your kind words and support. It is so appreciated. Everyone on here is so kind, despite having their own grief to deal with.

take care.       ONE DAY AT A TIME

Hi Jules54,

thank you for your kind words.  My John and I were together for 43 years too. I know what you mean. I looked after my John for six months. It is so painful to watch your once, strong independent man, go down hill, one thing after another failing, and knowing that there can be only one outcome, that they won't ever get better, just worse, until the cancer finally wins. I am trying to take it one day, or sometimes one hour at a time, but isn't it hard. 

Sending virtual hugs back to you. XxX

 Hello Johnslady

 I too was drawn to your post and so, so sad to hear about your lovely man’s death.

 I am on the other side – waiting for the inevitable to happen.  And it is so hard as someone said to watch s strong and vital man, such as my Steve and your John, fade. On Friday we were given the devastating news that Chemo is no longer an option because he just isn’t strong enough and as a result he has between 2 and 4 weeks.  We are filling those days with love, laughter and lots of visits from family and friends  but inside my heart is breaking.  We have been together for 33 years, no children,and although we are surrounded by wonderful family and friends I am terrified at the thought of being without him.  I have a good job which I hope will bring me some comfort, we have a lovely little dog who I know will keep me on my toes but I worry  how I will cope with the loneliness.  So, I am being no help to you whatsoever I am sending you lots of love, courage and strength and hoping that someday soon you will start finding sunshine through the rain. 

Xxxx

Hi SusanRuth,

My heart goes out to you. I am so very sorry.  You are going through one of the the hardest things you will ever do in your life. Make the most of every second with your Steve. I have some regrets. John and I would bicker over silly things, and I would snap at him or he would svnap back at me. When you are going through a life where you think you have all the time in the world, these little things mean nothing, but when your partner is gone, they get exaggerated. Although, in the last six months,  regardless of who was right or wrong I would apologise very quickly, they add extra pain to the bereavement. Take a recent photo of you both together. I have loads of John because I was the main picture taker, but no recent ones of us together, happy, before the diagnosis, and I regret that. We had six months after diagnosis, although we were never given a time frame, and he wasn't really well enough to do things that he wanted to, like visit Stowmarket, where he used to stay with his grandmother as a child, and us getting married. How I wish We had done things like that now.  We, also had no children but We had 4 rabbits and 2 cats. We lost our dear horse  4 months ago, but in the new year, I will have another horse to love too. Because I have no close family, it's my four legged babies that keep me going. It is hard for you now and it will be hard when it happens, even when you are expecting it. That surprised me a little because I thought I was sort of prepared, I wasn't. Nothing prepares you. My John has only been gone 6 weeks so my grief is still very raw, but this forum does help. There are so many people in the same boat, and reading their stories and how they feel, makes you realise that you're not alone in grief and feelings. And how you are feeling is perfectly normal. There is a lot of love out there. It is helping me, and I love them for it.

I sincerely hope I haven't been too blunt and added to your sorrow, if I have I am sorry, but I have been where you are, and there is no easy way. You are on a very sad journey. I will remember you in my prayers.

Take care, and if there is anything I can help you with, please ask. 

love Heather.x

PS That's my John in the photo being a plonker! Bless him!

 Good morning Heather, thank you for your support, and your advice. Both very much appreciated. I will keep my cancer chat family updated as things progress but I know this is going to be a pain beyond anything I have ever experienced before. 

 I am thinking of you too  and sending you love 

xxxx

Hi Heather

Definitely the hardest journey we took as a couple and now as a widow. Taking daily 'baby steps' and sharing thoughts and feelings with whoever would listen (bless them)  was a help.  Somehow the actual 'being on my own' did not cause worry just sadness for some time even though there had been times before when we were apart (hubby travelled on business  for some weeks at a time over many years). You think you have prepared for those last moments but in reality the shock and grief are there nonetheless and cannot be rushed through.

  I am still amazed at the conversations I have 'in my head' to guide myself forward.  I used to set myself little targets to manage alone and felt like I was 'testing the water' to prove that I could cope. Silly decisions that you would argue over now become an inner turmoil but it is what it is and eventually the mind is made up and I  hope my John would be proud of how me and our family are living our lives now.

Sounds a though you are a country girl (me a townie!!) and that the new horse, soon to be a new companion, as well as your other pets your day will have focus which I hope will help in a small way to see those days through.  As I love to walk these times became my inner therapy and with London on my doorstep (well 40min free tube ride away!) places to visit when I feel the need.

Yesterday was a poignant day as I remembered my Dad who was a WW2 veteran and he used to love to watch the various events on the TV.  Life has ups and down no matter how long we live it but my Dad survived so that I might be here today and I must be thankful for it.  Oops sorry this all sounds a bit deep reading it back so will wish you a peaceful day and return to the housework!

Take care of yourself.  Jules x

Hi no i lost liz six months ago ime still reeling she had her first chemo on monday major stroke friday morning contracted sepsis and passed away in the early hours sunday morning so like you i feel cheated .best wish paul

Hi Jules54 and all on this forum.

I don't understand, how I can feel reasonably ok, and be coping, just, and then the next day I am in pieces. I had my first session at a bereavement cafe yesterday, 6 weeks after losing my John. It seemed to go ok. I got to meet and talk to other people in the same boat. I then went, got some plants and placed them on my parents, and my Johns grave. ( they are very close together) Today, Im so low, much worse than before I went to the cafe. Does this mean it is not good for me? I don't know what to do, and I just want the pain to end. 

Love Heather. X

Hi there

I have lost my dad 9 years ago from cancer but two years before that we went to shanghai China. Because I was in the special Olympics world summer games in 2007. The pain does go away

Hi heather i had the same first three times i went hit me like a freight train felt so alone but now ive got to know them a tad better its not so bad .ime sure you walked in there and felt very alone and lost but keep at it at it at least it gets you out among people try and keep at it for a while then you have tried then if its not getting any better give it a miss perhaps that and going to grave was just to much for you perhaps a meet up to chat to your family after the cafe may help theres theres only so much emotion we can take in a day  . best wishs paul