I lost my beautiful Mum on the 17th January. She had had cancer twice before but recovered really well, then was diagnosed with another tumour in her bowel in November, she had a stent put in her bowel on the 15th December to stop any blockage over Christmas, then middle to the end of January she was gonna have her bowel removed and a stoma fitted. On the 21st December my father called the hospital to make them aware my Mum was in pain from having the stent fitted, they prescribed morphine, this helped the pain but my Mum got sicker. 28th December mum was taken into hospital in agony. The stent had punctured her bowel and abdominal wall causing her abdomito fill with poo, they took her to theatre and proceeded with the big op, sadly she developed sepsis and passed away on the 17th January. We have an investigation going on and the have now upped it to a serious incident, I feel like my mum has been murdered and should still be with us. I am totally heartbroken and just can't move on

hi, i don't know if you ever check this thread anymore. My mum died around the same time yours did in July 2018...on Fri13th...would you beieve it!?

I thought I was getting over it 2 years later or at least feeling more at peace with it, but then my dad died in nov 2020. It felt like I was losing mum all over again. Now 20 months later I feel bloody awful. I don't know if you are still on your own but I am. I am really struggling. The pandemic obviously hasn't helped and friends are nowhere near as supportive as I would have hoped them to be. I feel like I am at the end of my tether. Going to work is such a struggle. I miss a lot of work. I don't think I am brave enough to kill myself but the thought has been crossing my mind. did you get out the other side? Have you found meaning? I hope you are doing well and I hope that I am just in a trough that I will emerge from but I needed to reach out to someone who might be feeling as I do or at least felt as I do at one time.

Hi ruthlett,

Welcome to Cancer Chat. Firstly, I'm so sorry to hear of your losses. You have noticed that MW101010 hasn't been active on the forum in a little while, but you may still receive a reply.

I would also encourage you to create your own new discussion on the forum, if you feel comfortable doing so. I know there will be others here who have been through or are going through something similar. This is a very supportive community and you are always welcome here, to simply write things down and to reach out to others who understand. Sometimes just putting things down in words can help.

If you feel you are struggling, I would also encourage you to reach out for support from organisations such as Cruse. They have various resources for people experiencing grief, as well as a helpline.

If ever things are feeling really tough, give Samaritans a call on 116 123 - there is always someone there to listen.

Everyone's journey and experience with grief is different - there is no right or 'normal' way of dealing with things. Take things one day - or less - at a time, and keep believing that things will get more manageable, and eventually a little easier to deal with. In the meantime, keep looking after yourself as much as you can. Take time to grieve and to remember, and also take time to do things you enjoy where possible.

We're always here for support whenever you need it. Keep reaching out to others, as it really helps.

Wishing you all the best,

Ben
Cancer Chat Moderator