I know this post was from last year but I hope you see my reply. I just lost my mum two weeks ago. It wasn’t cancer though but this came up when I was googling and I really feel similar to some of the things you wrote and I so feel your pain. She died from a stroke. A massive bleed in the brain that they couldn’t do anything about. I also feel like mistakes were made as she has been to A&E a few times with extremely high blood pressure and chest pains but was always sent home and told she would be fine. She was only 47 in May, she had the worst 15 months, she was stressed and had a horrible time struggling everyday. Finally things were looking up. She had everything to look forward to and was starting an amazing new chapter of her life. Now she’s gone. I don’t know what to do or how to feel. I’m so angry. I don’t have a dad and I’m an only child. I’m only 27 and I don’t know how I can go the rest of my life without her. How are you feeling now? Do things get better? Everyone tells me they do but for me it’s getting harder and harder everyday. I don’t think I’ll ever see the light and the end of the tunnel and I feel like no one around me understands. I’m rambling I know but I just don’t know what to do anymore 

Hi Gemm 

It's been a while since I posted on here, life seems to have gotten in the way. I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your mum, I know how hard it is to deal with that pain so young. My mum passed away in January 19 and I'm 25, no matter what age you are I think it hurts just much. Everyone experiences grief differently, there is no time frame, right or wrong way. I honestly thought my life had come to an end but I can say now you learn to live with the pain, it becomes a part of you but you will find joy in life again. It wont happen over night, you might find yourself feeling guilty for smiling but this is just the journey of grief. I sometimes feel awful for not feeling as upset at my siblings and they think I'm immensely strong for 'powering on' and rarely crying but I'm really just trying to live my life to the fullest, in the way Mum didnt get to live hers. The world will keep on turning, time doesn't stop so I can't let myself get sucked under or I would never resurface again. 

Always here if you need a chat. Em x 

Hi Gemm 

It's been a while since I posted on here, life seems to have gotten in the way. I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your mum, I know how hard it is to deal with that pain so young. My mum passed away in January 19 and I'm 25, no matter what age you are I think it hurts just much. Everyone experiences grief differently, there is no time frame, right or wrong way. I honestly thought my life had come to an end but I can say now you learn to live with the pain, it becomes a part of you but you will find joy in life again. It wont happen over night, you might find yourself feeling guilty for smiling but this is just the journey of grief. I sometimes feel awful for not feeling as upset at my siblings and they think I'm immensely strong for 'powering on' and rarely crying but I'm really just trying to live my life to the fullest, in the way Mum didnt get to live hers. The world will keep on turning, time doesn't stop so I can't let myself get sucked under or I would never resurface again. 

Always here if you need a chat. Em x 

Hi Em,

thank you for your reply & your honesty. I agree that it doesn’t matter what age you lose your mum it will always be hard and you will always be unprepared. I find myself jealous of people who are older than me and still have their mum’and I feel horrible even thinking that. I’m angry at the world for only giving me 27 years with such an amazing woman. I need more time with her. It just wasn’t enough. 

I feel everything you are writing so I know your being honest. I do feel guilty a lot of the time if I smile or laugh. Will that feeling ever go away? I know my mum never would want me to be upset but it’s expected at this point. Everyone is always telling me to be strong but how? My mum was the one who made me strong without her I don’t know who I am. 

I just feel so lost and I’m not sure where to turn 

xx