I am so very sorry to hear this Billypartick. I can totally understand your feelings. I lost my mum, who was 58, almost two weeks ago too and she was my absolute best friend. We were inseperable and would always confide in each other as I would visit her 3-4 times a week when she was well and was by her side almost every day after her cancer diagnosis.

After we found out about it, my mum started treatment in April and only managed to survive for 6 months. I found myself struggling to grapple with the situation and questioned a lot of things. Two weeks have passed and I am toggling between good days and bad days. I am trying to find meaning behind her suffering, trying to understand the depths of death and spiritualism in hopes I can find some peace in what she has gone through. I don't think i am finding any answers.

I then started to come into this forum and started reading about other caregiver/cancer patient's posts and found myself slowly offering my thoughts/sharing my struggle and I actually feel a little better. I'm not sure if it'll help, but would you like to tell me more about your partner? I'll be happy to be a listening ear to you. :)

Hello there

You poor thing..... it's just so sad isn't it?  And 2 years is a long time to look after someone - no matter how much you love them.  I bet you're completely traumatised.  Nothing prepares you for this.  There's a huge void that opens up which I'm guessing is even more vast because you've been so buys looking after her.  I have nothing to say that will make you feel any better, nothing anyone can say will.... try to focus on getting through the next couple of hours, and then the next and the next. Don't expect too much of yourself and don't fight the feelings of grief.  A very wise woman (and friend) on this forum said to me that grief is a rollercoaster; you have push through the lows to start climbing out of them.  I truly feel for you....I wish you a speedy recovery.  By that I mean I hope that some day soon you will be able to smile and see the sunshine in every day.  It's there, you just have to want to find it .....but not yet... it's too soon.

Take Care 

Ruth x

What a lovely kind post to send Isueltmink in your time of grief - I hope when my hubby has left me I am as supportive as you are being.

Ruth x

Thanks for your kind words. My condolences to you at the loss of your precious mother. I guess I don't have many words of comfort  except the suffering is over and that's important. I hope one day the happy memories outweigh the memories of her suffering with this terrible disease. Peace and love to you. B.

Thanks for your kind words SusanRuth . Yes iam trying to find some light in the darkness. My Liz was a wonderful talented human being and fantastic artist. The hole in my life is vast and feels at the moment impossible to fill. But I realise her suffering is over and that's a small comfort at this dark time. Thanks again B.

Hi realy sorry for your loss my partner died 6 months ago so i realy know the depths of despair your in now i dont think there is anything more painful its so early for you you will be in shock i can only say that this rotton horrible pain your in now will soften but it takes us all diffrent lenghts of time . Before my partner she was called liz passed i never realised how insanely cruel cancer was so althoe  theres nothing i can say to make you feel better we all feel for you and what a comfort you must have been for liz so my best wishs to you .paul

Paulus thank you for your words.  Its when your on sites like this you realise your not the only one going through the dark times that this awful disease inflicts upon us. My condolences to you on your loss and I hope you find some peace and happiness in your future. Billy.