I'm so sorry you are going through such an incredibly difficult time. Please don't feel guilty about rescuing your mum! I recently read that most suicides are actually not planned and that the process from thinking about it doing it can happen dangerously fast. I've also read that survivors of suicide attempts are usually very grateful to have another chance at life and regret what they did. Hopefully moving forward, she will get some help that will allow her to better cope with the pain and grief and she'll be able to feel relief and happiness that she will still be around for you. Also, please think about yourself through all of this. If there is someone you can talk to, or any kind of services you can take advantage of, please do. You sound like a really strong person, but as Annie said, there are limits to what a person can reasonably handle. All the best.

Hi sameasiteverwas.. 

How are things with your Mum, how are both of you ? x

Mum is still in hospital, very sleepy and groggy but recovering well!! Thank God.
She has no memory of the night at all. She had been drinking heavily, and is a recovering alcoholic... not a good combination.

She is very embarassed, ashamed and couldn't stop apologising to me, and is adament she will never touch alcohol again. The hospital and staff were amazing and set her up with a care-plan, and are looking at releasing her tomorrow. I'll be staying with her, and will try to distract and help her as much as possible.

I am so grateful, beyond grateful... but I also feel traumatized. Watching my father deteriorate and die, now this. I'm having a hard time unseeing the image of her in that state and thinking "this is it" I have therapy booked for next week which should help. Sorry to ramble, I just don't really have anyone to vent to at the moment so thank you to everyone who has replied it means a lot!

Crikey - what an awful situation to be in.

There’s a massive difference between seeing other people’s grief professionally where you can afford to be emotionally detached and experiencing its devastating impact when you lose someone you love. 

Disbelief and anger are two of the early stages of the grieving process and the anger can easily lead to self-harm or suicide. Some people sadly never get over it but luckily most of us eventually do. 

Other people have suggested you contact The Samaritans which makes sense. This link might help. 

Your GP will be able to refer your Mum to Mental Health services who have the expertise to deal with this type of crisis event. In the extreme if your Mum doesn’t accept she needs help she might need to be put  under a temporary Section and moved to a place of safety until she has recovered. Hopefully that won’t be needed but it is available as a last resort. 

You are both grieving for your Dad, please don’t try to deal with this alone.

Good luck!

Dave

Dear S.A.I.E.W..

People would and still do say to me, *be kind to yourself* which doesn't either make sense or even if it did, what does that mean .. ? Therapy will be really good for you, as I'm hoping that mine, which also starts next week, will do something positive for me. Your support to your Mum is invaluable at this time, and if you get on board with a councilling group to support you then you have a great hope to get through this eventually. I found photo's of my Mum, who suffered a broken heart in losing her husband, on my pc yesterday. They were of Mum when she went back to lincolnshire,  years after losing my stepdad. I had forgotten that she tried to throw herself into line dancing, taking up little group's with other widow's. I felt awful when I saw these photo's, obviously becaue I adored her, and it hurts, now that she has gone. But also I felt bad for just remembering her sorrow in the early day's of losing Derek. And it was as if she had shown me that look remember I tried. And she did. Your Mum with love and support will get through this. Someone on here I read to you, wrote that you should tell her how important she is to you, and that you need one another. A mother's love will usually bring her back to where she need's to be eventually, after the pain, and she will in turn show up for you. It's a long road, and recovery is going through all the pain it bring's, which is infact a testament to loving our people. Bless you and bless your Mum, may you both be brave. strong, comitted to each other and look for your dad's presence, it's there if you look. x

Hi that was a good post good avice about telling mum she needs her .sorry you have been through this i lost my partner six months ago and lost mum and dad and a grandson but it does get less painfull your greif changs gradualy and the pain goes .going to bereavement counciling realy helps as talking is best therapy and its about how you feel you dont have to share your grief at first i thought this isnt doing any good but slowly it has as relatives and friends go back to normal lives you tend to feel it then as we are still hurting they try to change the subject thinking its its kinder but its not .the councilers dont try to change the subject so you still get to talk .i think people say be kind to yourself meaning keep eating and things because we tend to let ourselves go a bit and if you dont eat properly you just feel worse .so my best wishs to you and your family .paul

Hi Paul ..

Thank you for your reply. I literally gasped out loud to read the enormity of your loss's .. I've sort of become obsessed with reading other's stories, to bring myself out of a tormented isolation. And recognise that none of us here are on our own. Your wife and my Mum had pretty much the same journey. Mum started cycle 1 of chemotherapy on the Tuesday, and on day 7 after taking the last of cycle 1, Mum fell ill. Sepsis which Mum beat, with a 380 infected marker, but by this time Mum's kidney's were past the point of recovery. Like you, I was and still am reeling at the shock, the horror and waking up to my own reality daily. There was no time to fight the cancer, and I do see that as a blessing momentarily. I prayed to god that if Mum's journey was to be to have to fight and lose, then please take Mum .. Without suffering. I just can't wrap my head round how quickly Mum declined and was gone. We moved heaven and earth to get Mum to kent to start her therapy, from Lincolnshire. I tranformed half of my house into Mum's space, and so like you I have everything of Mum's here, but no Mum. Sorry to go on, but I have also thought about Mum's belongings, which Ive been very overly possesive about to be honest. I have a grandson and a new little one on the way, which was revealed only 2 days ago. I constantly catastrophize and feel entirely vulnerable and exposed to all things tragic possible. How you cope, and how you get up day to day, I commend and admire all of you foot soldiers. I send you respect, and thank you for such a kind insight as to healing. 

Thank you Paul .. I keep telling myself that if Mum could recover from losing a child and go on, then so I must. And I know sorrow .. Just this level of sorrow is debilitating and exhausting. Bless you Paul and all who journey this nightmare.

Thanks i know its scant comfort but the pain does go .liz was the love of my life but we have to carry on i have a blubb every day but now ime getting things done like you said it stops being debilitating and changes to almost normality so look to that i did and its helping me through if we dont we stick in this rotton dark place with negative thinking and that helps no one so bless you to .p