My mum dies of cancer 26 yeara ago 

My dad promised my mum on her final days he woulddnt be long behind her 

He tried numerous times over the yeara overdoses .was under mental health at hospital 

He told them ne was going to hang himself they could do nothing as he wasnt a danger 

4 years after my mum died he finally did hamg himself .nothing any of us coukd of prevented he wasnt happy in this life without my mum 

Anger hurt selfish feelings all was over and i have comfort in them being together .x

Hello and welcome here.  I imagine others have read your post and had the same sinking feeling as myself of "Whatever can I say to this lady?"  What more can life do to you - you don't half sound to be one strong lady but, well, there are limits.  Is there anyone at all who can help with the care of your mum as you must fear the coming days, weeks....   I don't like to think of you living in fear of what is going to happen next.   Have you got support yourself?    I imagine given that this was a suicide attempt that your mum will be given some psychiatric care (or whatever it is called).  From your description of the relationship that you and she have had she cannot have been thinking straight to try to do this to you.  But grief can drive people to desperation beyond reasoning sometimes.  If she is hell-bent on suicide she may of course be hospitalised but I do hope she comes through this with good assistance.  How are you coping?  Annie

Thank you for your reply, and so sorry for your losses! Losing parents is just so difficult to move past.

When the paramedics arrived today, they assured me they were doing their best for her, and that she would be okay... but what about mentally? what about long-term? In the moment of finding her, I panicked and called the ambulance straight away. But after the last few hours of thinking, did I do the wrong thing? Did I prevent her from doing what she really wanted, to be with her husband?

She honestly doesn't believe she will be able to move on and find happiness after losing him. I just don't know what to do or how to feel.

I hope she is not angry with me when she comes to.

Best wishes x

Hello. What a very sad post. I feel so sorry for you. You are trying to come to terms with your Dad's death which is bad enough. It is no wonder you feel that you can't cope with your mum as she is. Now that she is in hospital following an overdose, hopefully some professional help will be  arranged before she is discharged. 

Have you spoken to anybody about your concerns regarding your mum? Maybe a good start would be to make an appointment with your doctor as this is not just about your mum, you really need some kind of help and support for yourself.

You are a truly brave and devoted daughter.

Please keep writing here if it helps to get things out  as there are so many friendly folks here who will try to help. Warmest wishes to you. Lynne.x

Please do make sure you yourself are getting the care you need through your therapist and gp.  Your mum should be getting therapy also in the immediate future.    I think you may be stronger than you realise but I also accept that nobody could cope with what has happened without someone to help you through this.  I  think your mum will need to face up to what she would have done to you; hopefully things will settle down.  Please feel free to come back here to talk about what is happening and how you are feeling - or if you just want to let off steam.   You have your own grieving for your dad to get through also; it is a lot to contend with.  If you ever want to send a private message then feel free to do that also.  Annie

Hi sameasiteverwas, 

I'm really sorry to read what you've been through over the last 5 weeks or so. It sounds like it has been very difficult for the both of you.

If you're worried she may try to do this again, it may be a good idea to discuss your concerns with your mum's medical team and see if there is anything they can do or put in place to prevent this from happening.

I'm glad you're seeking help for yourself by booking appointments to see your therapist and GP but if you (or your mum) ever find you need to talk to someone when no-one is around then do give Samaritans a call. They are available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week and will do all they can to help. 

I'm not sure if you've thought about this already but other members on forum have found bereavement counselling to be helpful when coming to terms with their loss and managing their grief, so this may be something worth looking in to for yourself and for when your mum is better.

A tough journey lies ahead of you but with the support of our members here on the forum I'm sure you will find a way through.

Kind regards, 

Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator

Hello .. Bless you and bless your Mum .. In short, my Mum nursed my stepdad through motor neuron disease, until it took his life, 7 years ago... My Mum was heartbroken, truly .. I lost my precious Mum 8th August this year, and I am devastated .. I use to look at my Mum who for 2 year's kept going, looking after her dog's and going for us, and I honestly believe that the heartache, lonliness, (although I was there as much as I could be) a 200 mile distance between us. And she was here for longer periods, BUT I believe it was infact the onset of cancer itself. Losing my Mum, I lost my life partner, never being married, and so she took a leading role in helping me to raise my 2 children. I wanted literally to throw myself off of a bridge. I couldn't and still can't imagine a life without my beautiful Mum in it, and I KNOW i'll never fully recover. This site is wonderful for me to see that I'm not alone. That cancer can kill you in no time of knowing and there are other's, sadly MANY other's. Maybe once Mum is released from hospital, stay with her overnite. Because the early morning waking up to your own reality is horrendous. Its the 1am to 8am period if you are awake. And after a deep sleep, it hits one as hard as it did on day 1 ... Once you know she has balanced a tad in emotion, show her this site. Like me she will see that other's are suffering the same agony. It's very isolating. My brother and sister had a different relationship with my Mum, as your Mum did with your Dad, and she must feel so alone, however many people there are helping, they can't bring him back and they won't miss what she is missing in him. If you persuade your Mum to realise that she is every bit as loved and needed by you, which I'm sure she must know, but keep on keeping on with her and do thing's that are just for the 2 of you if possible. So she doesn't feel isolated, abandoned or lonley. I'm on both end's having cared for a widowed Mum, and now having lost her. I wish you peace and strength x

Thank you so much for all the kind responses.

I haven't slept all night. It's 4.30am and I'll be going to the hospital in a few hours. I don't know what to expect when I get there, I hope she is not angry at me.

I'll be calling my doctor and therapist today for some support.

xx
 

Hi there i had a bottle of morphine to my lips when you loose a love you pretty much go crazy  its like your worlds worlds ended everything you ever dreamed were going to stops in an instant .the one thing that stopped me was that i had read an artical on how suiside effects the children so i rememberd and it stopped me i can understand the desperation to escape the pain . But a lady on here annie said that time is a great healer and in truth it realy is .ive had a wife that tried as well not my fault may i add so have been through both .but ime still here .i dont think your mum will realy be cross either or not for long .you need to tell her you need her and how would you cope if you lost her to its a bit of blackmaile i know but who cares .get her to come and chat to us talking and talking is the best therapy if you can give her tons and tons of support till some time passes and she becomes more stable and less desperat bereavement counciling go with her share your grief say dad would not want her to leave you anything to bring her back to reality and as time goes by the pain gets less you and she will not think that way at the moment as you will both will just be getting over the shock i dont know what sort of backup your mum will get but for a while you will have to be the strong one .theres a free nurse helpline on here theres tthe samaritans 24/7 basicaly anything that keeps you both going and time moves on this is only what happend to me in both cases ime not a expert ive just been through it . Its like russion rulett worrying i understand how you feel to just try and keep going take one day at a time and look after yours and your mums health ime sure eventualy it will come right .best wish a call on a morning and last thing at night is a lifeline to someone whos lost a partner because for a while the lonelyness is agony most at thoes times .best wish to you both and hope it eventually all comes as right as it can .paul ps the only thing that can keep your mum going is you as a parant iiunderstand that als dealing with other peoples grief as a funeral director is far different than going throught it yourself