Hi Denise,

I am sorry for your loss, my mum died on 26th September and funeral was Wednesday.

I can relate to the crying, but today has been the first day I haven't cried uncontrollably, thoughts of my mum are constant and I have to take deep breaths or walk outside as feel like I can't breath. Like you, my faith tells me I will meet mum again but now I just feel such loss and the sadness just comes over me like a wave. It is hard to believe our mums are no longer here. I'm hanging onto the fact that my mum wanted to and was ready to go; with the Mylefibrosis, and Alzheimers , all too much for her and quality of life was poor; she always said she didnt want the transfusions and endless tablets. I am like her, so I kind of understand. That said, it doesnt make it any easier or less of a shock and seeing the loss felt by my dad breaks me. 

From this site, it seems that people say, you will never get over the loss but there will be a time when it will become easier and less painful, for some it will be quicker than others, no set rules, we all walk the same path in grief but the steps along the way and how we feel will be different.

I hope you have close family and friends around for support. 

Take good care of yourself.

Your not alone and I feel your pain.My wonderful mum has just past in August.I feel lost right now my mum was my world my best friend and soul mate.I am dreading Christmas as she loved Christmas time.I feel my mum around 2me all the time but I will always want her back.She did say to me it comes to us all in the end.I cannot wait to see her again and if I didn't have children I would have glady gone sooner.Cancer is hell and I wish someone could fine a cure.My mum was full of life and loved life more than me.My Christmas will be sad but for every decoration and candle I light it will be for her and her inspiration and strength she showed us all.Im mums daughter and I will try my hardest to match up to the woman she was and will always be.xxx

Hi you have been through one of the most painfull things in your life its only a month you just cant prepair yourself for this it sounds like you were a great comfort to your mum and did every thing you could at the begining we are dazed for sometime then it hits i beleive your mums mums still at your side i think they stay for a while before they move to a better place it happend to me so try and take a bit of comfort in that. This rotten feel your having does go how long it varies you will not feel that at the moment it happens so slowly. time to look after yourself now just try and hang on in there your not alone keep close to family and friends arrange some bereavement counciling its not a magic bullet but you can talk about anything and they will sit and listen then as you get to know them they give you bits of advice it took a while but it realy helped me theres the free cruz bereavment line allso the samaritans the numbers on internet ime sorry your having to go through this bless you come on here and chat talking is realy the best thing best wishs paul

Hi Denise,

im so sorry to hear about your Mam, what a beautiful memory you have that you nursed her when she needed you so much, not everyone has such a wonderful daughter to be with them. She must have been so proud of you for being there with her.

i think it was very wrong of people to say you wouldn’t grieve as much. No one can say how someone will grieve  and in some ways it may be worse as you had to watch her deteriorating each day. 

I think initially we are in shock when we lose someone and I don’t think it hits you until a little later. I was worse after a month, I couldn’t stop crying either. I lost my husband suddenly after only 7 weeks of being diagnosed.  He died when he became neutropenic so it was very unexpected. I thought I was doing ok the first few weeks but then I think the shock wears off and I cry so much more now, it’s been 7 weeks tomorrow since I lost him. 

All you can do is take one hour at a time, don’t look ahead, it’s too scary. I write a diary to my husband every night telling him how I feel and how much I miss him. I still cry every day but I can do a few things now and not cry until I’m done. 

Be kind to yourself. Your grief is a sign of how much you love someone. Wouldn’t it be sad if you didn’t cry for your Mam? She’s worth all the crying you want to do. 

Xx

Hi denise, i lost my mum 11 years ago when i was 33 grief has so many different stages and is like a rollercoaster in a dark hole. You know that it  is there but you don't know when those 'huge 'drops are going to happen. When my mum died of cancer at 58 I had 2 yr old triplets and she like you was my rock, my best friend and our family's everything. I cried in private everyday but my big HIT came while o was paying for my shopping in Tesco 6 months after. My feet literally fell away beneath me.i went to Drs for help as needed to be a mother and wanted to be a mother that my mum would be proud of. Please get help from your Dr and keep friends near, company is scary but can also be a distraction for your heart to have a rest. You will eventually have hours you don't grieve then days you smile and then weeks, I still cry at times but  if I can be half the person my mum is then I know I've done her proud and bringing my children up to be the same.i am now going through the same with my mother in law which seems like history repeating itself but I know life is a circle and sometimes we just need help to stay strong and complete it .xx

Send

Hi Denise

I'm sorry you lost your mum. It really is the worst pain when we lose someone we are so close to. You are only a month in, and this is the worst time. 

I won't lie and say that it just goes away. I believe that this is going to be a life long re-adjustment to life without our mums. How can life ever be the same? We just lost the person who brought us into the world, the person who loved us unconditionally (no one else in the world can or will ever love us like that), the person who knew and understood us completely because they watched us take our first breath, first steps, first words - they learned all about what made us tick from day one. No one else can ever know or understand us on that level. To say it is a huge loss simply doesn't even come close to expresing just how deep that loss is. 

To be honest, five months in I still can't fully process the loss. I'm gaining a bit more clarity in that I'm not in shock anymore. But at the same time, there are still a few concepts that are too painful to fully accept yet, like the fact that I'll never see or talk to her again. 

But do stay strong. I cried every day - several times a day for two months. I'd wake up in the middle of the night in shock and pain. 

But I believe that we are granted days of peace and well being. It might only be one day in a week, or maybe a few. But we get to have those days. They are gifts. Take them and enjoy them. It's all we have. For the rest of our lives we will continue to have days where we can feel happiness and love. But there will always be the loss. 

Hi all

Thanks to each of you for responding. I find this site one of very few lifelines..there is always a friendly ear to help me get through the day.

I'm very sorry for your loss Mazda and i hope you can take some comfort from the nice things in life, these early days are a write off but i take consolation that once they are done they are done.

I don't like talking about her to anyone because it's simply too painful. I met her friend's in Debenhams last week and nearly lay at their feet and cried! She should be there helping me settle into my new house and boss me around telling me to drive slowly and put a hat on my children. The severity of the loss really only hits home when i realise that literally everything was done with her encouragment/opinion/advise. I feel like life is in the shade now and despite being happily married i don't feel like i have anyone to talk to. Shes my favourite person and I just loved nothing more than a cup of tea and a gossip. I feel I've no one to tell anything to. I hope in time that will change. Despite this i talk to her and she responds. She sends me lovely signs and i feel her presence on my right side. I initially thought i was going mad but i know I'm not. I'll meet her again and all will be well.

Just as we cannot see the bottom of the ocean but we know that its there i know that our loved ones are here also even though we can't see them either. I think that life is an interruption of our  eternal life, the life that never dies..

Thanks Paulus, seraphine, vera, linda, Mazda and ap4

Chat soon and please do stay in touch

Denise

I can relate to you, I lost my beloved partner 3 weeks ago to this terrible disease.I see her everywhere and my thoughts are always on her. But i lost someone 18 years ago a younger sibling and I remember that I felt like this then. I also remember I thought I'd never get through it but I did and I keep telling myself that. Its still raw for me and early days but I find comfort in the Knowledge that life is short and that they have only gone on ahead of us and we will join them again soon enough.

Hi Denise10

I can relate to everything you have said. I told my mum all about all the events going on in my life. If there was an upcoming holiday, she'd want to hear all about it. When I'd get back, she'd want to hear about all of it. She was an amazing listener - she really was, everyone said that about her. You could always count on going over, and she'd be on the couch (she wasn't mobile so that's usually where she was) listening to jazz, reading, or watching the news. But she'd stop everything so that we could have a coffee and a good chat. She was always so happy to see me and always had time for me. No matter what. I'll never know another person in my life who can give that to me. 

I too don't have anyone I can talk to her about with. My sister is also grieving, and if we were to start talking about how real the pain is we'd both just end up in tears, and we aren't really close enough to feel comfortable bawling our eyes out to each other. My boyfriend is supportive, but he's sort of past the point of being able to offer me much comfort about the loss. He sees death in a very different way and is not an emotional person.

I also felt signs when she first passed, but lately I've been struggling to feel anything. Can you give any tips on how I might be able to see the signs?

Thank you for sharing. It's so comforting to not feel so alone in this pain.

Hi Billypartick,

i too lost my beloved partner, very recently. The 6th October to be precise. Every thing reminds me of him and I don't know if that's a blessing or not. But I am unable to remove the reminders either, so everything is as it was when he left me. We were together 43 years, and he was my life, my reason for living, my whole world an my soul mate. My purpose and reason for living has gone. I too have had past bereavements, my father in 1999, and my Mum 7 years ago in 2011. I remember this awful feeling from then too, and so hold on to the hope that I will get through this and be able to live rather than exist. At the moment, I can't look or even think ahead, just the next horror the next day. I am really sorry for your loss, and really do understand how you are feeling. 

Take care. X