Hi in jayne, age 44 from Shropshire, im not quite sure what i would like to say but this ias mine and my mums story, not sure iv posted in right place, sohere goes, is this normal?
Iv just lost my mum on the 14/09 to a 3 1/2 year battle of lung cancer, it was missed diagnososed on scan and ended up been unoperaple, she started her fight with a round of chemo, 20 days of intence radio followed buby another round of chemo, she hit remission for just under a year before trialing another round of chemo, this time leading to an anaflatic shock causing heart troubles she then hit an all time rock bottom and had a stint in hospital and the hospice she managed to continue her fight and had 1 episode of immunotherapy, this was to be her last treatment she became quite poorly and just when we thought we were going to loose her she managed to pick her self back up and continuing her life, she had gone dramaticly from been an independant lady to a lady who needed help with personal hygiene a comode, wheel chair and zimmer frame, the doctors suggested she went into the hospice for this the last time, 2 days later i was holding her hand when a beautiful passing was made, i expected a struggle a horrific end and yet she didnt it was so gracefull just slipped away, i did take some picture's and at the funeral parlour which has given me pleasure to relook at,
ive cried away from family mostly, im the only one who wants to talk about her or say ooh yer my my would of done that, i feel shes gone and forgotten about by everyone else, i know shes not bit they dont want to talk about her as much as i do, i was the main person in charge of her funeral, and now thats been iv been told in should go back to work and jusy get on with life, i dont feel suicidal or upset like i was i just miss her so much like a part of me has left too, i have googled been cramated so i know what she had to go through, even what they did when she was in the funeral parlour been washed and placed in her box, i do find it intresting, i did revisit the hospice which was nice as eveyone said how well im doing and they all spoke highly of mum, they even said i can go back whenever but feel shouldn't as im taking up valuable time from others that need it there, i have put my name down for counciling but will take up to 6 week to get in touch, my sleep is disturbed, i miss her so much like not been able to tell her my news and ring her, or visit mum and dads now its just dads,
do i need some help with tablets to chill me out? Am i normal? Will this pain ease? Should i go back to work (school with 4 year olds) will i forget her voice, looks, smell? Why is this so hard? Is itnwronf to keep googling symptoms, am i nearlly over freif or am injust starting is this the angry stage? Sorry about the grammer and spelling mistakes my mum would of called me fat thumbs over texting, any help would be grateful, before i feel like im going mad xx
