[@Chriss]‍  - Thank you for your reply and kind words.

I'm at the stage where I can think and talk about my grandmother without breaking down in tears. I miss not being able to speak to her on the phone, and although the sadness of knowing I won't see her again remains, I'm now able to smile and laugh at the happy and amusing memories. 

For reasons I won't go into, my grandmother had been fighting my corner before I was even born. She was very much a proud grandmother and great-grandmother, and yes, a very good friend as well. It is lovely that you have a close connection with your granddaughter too.

I've never been one for God and religion, but have always been somewhat on the fence about the spiritual world. When I was sobbing my heart out last week because of my dad, I very much had the sense that she was trying to give me strength. I'd not consciously asked her to, but this feeling I had was very comforting. x

Hi there ...

When I lost my mum, I dreaded going to her funeral as I'd always felt if you don't go, they havnt really gone .. l thought I could loose it completely. . And would hold on to her coffin .. she was my world, and best friend to me and my lads ... but you know I just felt like she was telling me, she wasn't in the box , she was right there by my side, saying "you can do this" ... and l felt at piece... and I've felt her with me through the years, and when my cancer got diagnosed, found feathers everywhere .. even in my bra ... like she was right there by me .. the day I got the news it was low risk and no lymph node infected .. those feathers just stopped .. now we find them by my sister with late stage dementure ...  

So when you get a sign, or feeling, go with it and say hi ... so many get signs and put it down to chance .. too much has happened not to believe .. and just picture if I'm right and they are looking over us, then they'd want us to smile again .. and yes live in our hearts , tucked up safe ... always here if you wanna chat ...   Chrissie

[@Chriss]‍  - Hi again,

I have Asperger's and one of my 'traits' is social anxiety, even with people I know (like family). After my grandmother's death, I had an incredible urge to deliver a reading at her funeral. Nothing soppy and sentimental that might reduce people to tears (which I knew she definitely wouldn't want), but something light-hearted with amusing anecdotes. There was just one problem. I'd have to stand up in front of everyone and speak publicly, and that would mean drawing attention to myself.

Although my legs were shaking like jelly and I found myself having to grab hold of the lectern to steady myself, in every other way I had felt calm and in control. One of my cousins had jumped on board, so it was a two-part reading. I did not feel that my grandmother was in the wooden box that was behind us, but standing there between me and my cousin, giving us both the strength we needed to deliver our readings.

For a while afterwards, I had questioned whether it had just been a figment of my imagination, but after my experience last week I instantly dismissed the notion that it was all in my head.

Your own experience with the feathers is one I find truly fascinating. There's just no other explanation for it, is there? Feathers don't just suddenly appear like that (and definitely not inside one's bra), so not something that people can argue is just a coincidence. x

Hi there ...

I can really understand your anxiety. . I have an amazing niece who has aspergers as well .. and a nephew with autism and A D H D ... they are both grown now, but I remember all the different stages she has gone through .. so you did amazing ... I'm very proud of you ...

When I was diagnosed and thought I wouldn't come through my op ... I would talk to my granddaughter about my mum who was the brightest star we could see .. she asked me if I was going to die, and she was only 5 then ... so I told her if I did I'd be the little star next to the brightest one, so she could look up and see me watching her .. she saw all the feathers while she was here .. and I told her they were from my mum's angel feathers ... well a while after , l picked her up from school .. and she was upset .. I asked her what it was and she said your mum put loads of her angel feathers in the play ground, but I couldn't get them all before I had to go in class .. 

A few years back my son had a bad bike accident .. when I got to the hospital they were just taking his helmet off .. there was a perfect kiss on his forhead, in my mum's colour lipstick ... she always kissed him on his forhead and he used to say nan, and rub it off as he was young .. but I believe she stopped the bike from hurting him more ... there was no other explanation .. 

Any ways always here if you wanna chat .. you go on and make your nan proud ... whatever you do in life, she'll be there smiling down ... sending you a big hug ... Chrissie xx

Hi [@Chriss]‍ 

I was somewhat taken aback (in a good way) when I read your reply. Receiving compliments is always lovely, but I'm just not used to people I've never met telling me that they are proud of me. I feel incredibly touched.

As for your spiritual experiences, I agree that there really is no other explanation. 

At the moment my grandmother's services are not required, so I'm very much hoping that she's doing what she loved best and listening to her beloved Elvis. She was a massive fan and had made sure that none of us were left in any doubt about that. ;) :D 

While it might seem bizarre to some to describe funerals as being joyous events, I can honestly say that hers was one of the most enjoyable funerals I had ever been to. x