Hello Loops14.  I am sorry you have lost your mum after she had been so ill.   There is no time scale for grieving; it varies hugely from person to person and six months is not so very long.  It is thirty years since my own mum died from cancer and in one sense I still grieve (for my dad also) but slowly, slowly, it is not so acute but fits in as a part of yourself.  Regarding your work, before I retired I was in charge of a fair-sized department and always made sure I spoke with anyone who had been bereaved so I could understand how they were feeling and how they were coping.  Do not think it would be a sign of weakness to speak with your boss (if you get on with her or him) - I always took it as a good sign that staff were able to talk and let their feelings show.  Also how well do you know your colleagues - have any of them lost a parent to your knowledge?  Could you go to lunch with them (for instance) one day and have a chat about things.  There is also the option of counselling; Cruse Bereavement Counselling is one such charity (Freefone 0808 808 1677 - I attach a link showing how to contact them).    Do you talk with your friends (the ones with whom you are celebrating your birthday) about your feelings - have any of them lost a parent?  Whether so or not you should let them know what kind of celebration you want and what you don't feel you could handle.  Yes, this period of grieving is horrible but don't bottle it up inside you  - there is help available.  If you look through this forum you will see oh so many people are going through or have gone through exactly the same feelings and there is no short cut, nothing that can be done to change how you feel, other than time.  Contact anyone whose post resonates with you and share what you are going through.  Please do keep in touch if it helps you.  Annie

www.cruse.org.uk/contact-us

Hi loops i have just read your post and feel realy touched .at your age you have had to have a lot to bear on young shoulders ime shure your mum would be so proud.i know how you feel about wanting to talk about your grief and everyone trying to change the subject my friend started doing it and would talk about anything other than my grief in the end i was straight with him and said i know your trying because you think it will help but i need to talk . Ime much older than you and i lost my partner but in your case you being still at home with your mum it must be similer as its the all pervading lonelyness that gets us . But i hope this will help these feeling dont last forever they change .sounds like you could realy do with counciling trust me it realy helps because you can talk and talk and the counciler will not try to change the subject and they make coping suggestions. Also a bereavment group being with like people who understand can realy help . Tell your friends you need to talk .its probably dificult to understand if they have not gone through it themselves but they can listen but they dont know so you have to tell them .i have two daughters myself and i would not want them to be sad and your mum will feel same. I still blub at times its a great safty safty valve but i think because of counciling ime coming through this much quicker . If you have had some already try some more . Best wishes to you .paul

Dear Loops14,

Im Soo sorry for your loss. With all my heart. I lost my Mother February 26 of this year. I too was extremely close with my Mother. I am 30 years old and have always been a “mamas boy”. Each person is different of course but I have an idea of what you are going through. Nothing seems rite in life anymore. Holidays, birthdays, so many things in my life feel empty now. I do like to talk about my Mom as much as I can. I understand what you mean when you say that your friends don’t know how to broach the subject. Or maybe feel uncomfortable talking about your Mother with you. It’s very hard to find somebody to talk to that has any idea. Fact is we are both young and are dealing with something we never expected to at this age. The things that have helped me a little Ian talking to people. I have a friend who isn’t always there to listen and not necessarily give advice but just listen and try and understand. She’s been amazing for me. I also go to a bearevement group of people who have lost a loved one to cancer. That may help a little talking to people who are dealing with something similar. Everybody is different though of course. I hope that you find something to help a little. Truth is our pain will never go away. How could it? We love our Mothers soo much. Remember your Mother is always with you my friend. She is smiling down on you and is very proud. Best of luck with all my heart. Talk to people all you want if you think that will help.