Hi there welcome my names paul and i can tell you that everything you are going through is perfectly normal we all feel we should have come to see our dads more or i wish i had said more or not said this or done that your early in your grief yet but you will get through that .have a think did you ever do anything to realy realy hurt your dad and your answeres there no you didnt so why feel guilty unfortunatly thats how everyone feels but you eventualy will work that out for yourself but you will be feeling lost at the moment. You need to arrange yourself some bereavement counciling as soon as poss local hospices arange it its free and they will help you get through all these feelings also for the time being theres the cruz bereavment help line it free and numbers on the internet they will listen and explain how we go through diffrent feelings but at the moment you will be so raw .let me give you an example of guilt. When my liz had a stroke after chemo she was half paralized and was taken into hospital quick from childhood she used to sleep with a hankie i gave her a tissue to hold .later i went home and got her her own nightie and some hankies well with everything going on i forgot to put one in her had .when she passed i knock myself out for two months with horrible guilt.so you c with grief everything we feel is so much magnified hope you understand that it so at the moment you will feel the same but it dosnt last we realise that later on cruz will explaine your feelings better than me . Your dad will have been just glad you were there when you could ime a dad myself so i know .you will be ok just takes time so take it easy one day at a time .ime so sorry you lost your dad its awful .paul

Hi Yoshi1878.  Can I add  my voice to Paul's post; no matter how much we loved the ones we have lost there are always regrets.  I think however that they knew they were loved.  Don't forget our parents knew/know us very well, better than we can imagine sometimes.  So your dad will know how you loved him.  Being older than you it is some time since I lost both my parents and in one sense there is not closure because you always think of them with love and regret but it does get easier.  I still talk out loud to my mum if I am going through something that belonged to her but  it no longer gives me pain as it used to do.    But there is no right or wrong way to grieve; you should do what feels right for you.  It occurs to me that you might like to talk to your employer's Human Relations department just so they know you are struggling a bit.  Don't worry about doing this - you won't be the only person who has struggled in this way.  Before my retirement I used to manage a department and have sat with many staff members who were having a hard time - it didn't reflect badly on them - in fact I thought it was good that they were able to talk to me about it.  My very best wishes to you.  Annie

Your wellcome young man and thank you .yes bereavement counciling will help you move through you grief much quicker dont let that guilt get to you only thing  that needs blame is this rotton cruel unpredictable disease cancer.i think the best thing i can say is grief makes us hypersensitive so everything we feel is exagerated and if i were your dad i would be proud of you by the nice polite reply you gave me back so your not doing it all wrong your doing it alright .paul