Mum been gone 8 years and I cannot accept it.

Hi ... my mum died 8 years ago and I am still not coming to terms with it. I've lived day to day life believeing I will see her again and that she's "around" ... I comfort eat to get through it and I'm up about 3 sizes in the past 8 years. I cannot even begin to think about her being gone as its too sad and worrying to think of what would become of me without her.  Isn't that mad?  Bloody 8 years ... I was the baby - always needy and always all over here. I was 40 when she died.

I had counselling for 12 weeks in the beginning ... and believed I was "ok" and managed, but I think that's what I've done ... "managed" ...

Does anyone have any tips on how to "get by" day to day without her?  What you do to keep the sadness at bay or ... any tips.

  • Hi there.  My mam died in 1984; there is always a residual sadness and I still occasionally "talk" to her.  Obviously she doesn't talk back although I can still sometimes hear her voice in my head when I think of her.  No problem.  It is the same with my dad who died some years after my mam.  They were an important part of my life.  It is difficult to know what to say to you without knowing a bit more about you.  Are you happy with other parts of your life - forgive me for being so personal - but could you be having any hassles or unhappiness in your personal life which makes you yearn for your mum's unconditional love and support.  In one sense of course she is still with you - in your heart and in your mind and there is no reason why you should ever lose this.    It seems such an easy get-out for me to say you might like to try further counselling but without knowing anything at all about you (other than what you have told us) I don't really know what to advise.  In effect you are "getting by" without your mum because of course she is not physically with you.  But you obviously are not happy.  I am hoping somebody else here may have some advice and hope you will continue to tell us a bit more about yourself.  Annie

  • Hello photogirl2, sorry you've been having a tough time.

    I can see why Annie replied as she did. Have a think about that. Have you told your GP how you feel? There may be depression involved, which can be helped.

    I don't mean to sound harsh, but it's time to find a different focus. Do things that absorb your attention, like making greeting cards or sewing, trying new recipes, gardening, learning a musical instrument/foreign language.  Volunteer for charity work. Sign up for an evening class.Get involved with new things. It takes effort, of course it does. Even if it feels like you're just going through the motions at first, find a spark of interest somewhere.

    regards, gamechanger