Hi there tirral. ..

There is no right or wrong way to grieve ... or for how long ... I still miss my mum nearly 30 years on .. and think of her every day .. so this answer I'm writing is my view, how I look at life having a grade 3 breast cancer .. it's only you who can choose which path you take ..

I feel you've got so much anger .. and it's like we have to take it out on someone or something ... and reading these posts, it seems to be your serviving children ...  anger gets us no where.. we loose people we should hold on too .. no mater what my two sons say or do, that's o.k ... I'll adore them any way .. nothing on this earth would make me turn my back on them ... I made them, I gave birth to them, and it's my job to be here whenever they need me .. they are my miricals, l don't always see eye to eye, and we fall out .. but the door to my heart is theirs to open ...

Every one close hurts .. and it's up to every one of us weather we close out loved ones, or understand, wer all different .. you still have your boys .. they are here ... it's good to grieve and get emotions out , but to do it in balance .. l know you have health issues, and I've got lots too .. but weather I'm here for a short time, or longer... I will find something to smile about every day .. I will make as many good memories for those I can... life throws us into the gutter... face down, where everything looks black .. but it's up to us if we want to stay there, or look up and see the stars ... 

So many on here have lost their loved ones.. and no they hurt bad ... and many more will follow .. it's all part of this journey we find our selfs on ... if you do this right, I'm sure your boys will be there ... and you do need them, weather you admit it or not ... 

It's up to you to really reach out .. or not ... but I'm sending a hug to you .. and hope one day, you can look up and see the stars ... x

Hi terril sorry not got back to you ime still dealing with my own grief let me say well done just going into bedroom and laying there for a while its the worst place to go is the bed room like said baby steps but you cant give up or you will be stuck in pain and grief and never get over it yes your son didnt turn up but theres always another time for that you have to get out of this stress or you will never pick yourself up i should have said take anything that has memories out of the room .but if think its better change rooms you have to start looking after yourself now you did everything for your husband which is truly admirable but you have to get back sleeping properly and you made the first baby step i know your a strong ladie going through hell but you dont need to stay there you can do it  you did so much for your husband lets see you do it foe yourself .forget the anger at your son for now one thing at a time .the other thing you have had strokes you must drink plenty of water its so important for health especialy in stroke victims so charge that strong italian strength and try again sounds like you had a bit of an anxiaty attack when you went to bed so sleep in anothere room take anything out that reminds if you last 2 hours then you have come on some more ive been through this myself its hard i know but you can do it becouse if you dont you will never get off sleeping on the sofa ive been to bereavment group tonight and a lady there slept on sofa for a year eventualy she was able to move back i the bedroom but she said its was hard i said i know a very strong italian lady who want to get back in a proper bed she said to tell you its all about small steps and you can do it so have another go if you cant cant cope try again then try again thats what its about . Ive been through it i moved bedroom about took all memory stuff out and kept trying ime in the bed now took a while but i did it have a try again i know your disapointed your son didnt come and its set you back but you get back up there on the horse and keep trying you can do its you dont want a half irish old git git to beat a young italian lady after what you did for your husband . .talk soon paul ps i dont beleive in god persay but i am a bit spiritual and i do beleive our loved ones check up on us from time to time i bet your husband will look down and c you trying and be so proud your doing your best to pull yourself up some of the strange things thats happend to me makes me beleive my lizzie comes back and makes shure ime doing ok love is a very very powerful thing only humans have that and what a gift it is unfortunatly grief is the price we pay for it but we dont have to pay forever. And get some bereavment counciling its so helpful see your gp and ask for some worked for me bless you

Hi. terril.  You probably feel you cannot get rid of us now that you have come to this forum but I hope you don't regret it.   You have suffered so much and you deserve to have a break which will hopefully - and gradually - help lose some of the anger you are holding.  Sadly we cannot undo the past and it can be hard work to stop the past ruining the future but slowly slowly I hope you can do this.  You are a strong lady.  Like Paul says - sometimes you can move forward, other times you fall back a bit but just keep trying or you will never get to a point where you can occasionally smile at the memories and talk with your boys without the anger.  And do look after your health; very important.  Set yourself small targets - don't be too ambitious at first.  The business about the bedroom - yes, if changing the room is the answer well that is good and hopefully your sleep will improve and with good sleep your overall health should improve too.    Annie