Thanks Paul I'm sorry  I sound so selfish that what got my husband neutapenic sepcis gave him heart attack massive organ falliure  I just saw it all I could not tell him I loved him or good bye because I was to busy screaming at the doctors to save him them holding me back  me fighting to get near him my children nowhere to be seen till in coma  I just wanted him to no I loved him from 16 till the day he died

 I'm sorry about your wife I know a Stoke is terrible my fist one rehab fo 5 months  Liz sound wanderful person and strong  x

Yes liz was wonerfull . Like you with your husband she made me feel wonderful . As to screaming at the drs all you were showing was how much you love and cared for him and wanted him to live your husband would have heard that i would have thought thats my girl looking after me keeping thoes drs in line .i bet you he was so proud of you i would have been .just sit for a while have a think you can retrain you brain you know .p

Do you know your wife was one lucky lady thanks for all your kind words I'm going to get though this weekend I'm going to try and stop my Brain keep telling me what I did minute by minute today it all happened tomorrow still fighting them to keep. Him alive Sunday evening agreeing to turn his life surport off don't know if I can see it in front of me everywhere but going to try even crying reading your kindness so wish could be thinking like youx

THANKYOU

i am going to try going to my bedroom this weekend after a year of sleeping on sofa so thanks  you

Understand you keep trying you will get there but dont rush do it at your own pace like my friend crissie has said to me on this site baby steps .if you feel yourself slipping come back and we can chat some more or to anniliz and crissie two very wise ladys who have gone through or are going through there own pain . This is a club non of us want to be in the moderaters and people on here all understand that we are all traveling through bereivment to a more joyful life you with all your family surrounding you and peace .memories will still be there but nice ones .paul

Hi.  You have both had tragedies in your life and I am so pleased you understand each other so well.  Please do keep in touch terril - with Paul and with any of us.   I know it is early days but I hope you slowly find your way through this.  Please  keep in touch and talk as often as you like and tell us how things are going.  It can be a difficult journey, sometimes two steps forward and one step back but slowly slowly I hope things will improve.  Sleep well terril.  Have a peaceful night.  Annie

Thanks anneliz but i have sufferd no more than you  but like youysaid your further on and your right as you put in one of your posts time is! a great healer dosent mean we love them any less just because we are not suffering so much i think its all about letting go of the pain and keeping the loving memories .paul

Well I just thought let you know Paula's Annie it was a car crash one son did not come home or ring  I fell to pieces told my oldest he would still be hear if he had not packed his bag again  it's like I look at them all and I just want to kill them they keep saying you ok mum no I'm bloody not  I'm no I'm going down a path that's not good but 2 dead kids was enough they could have helped me. Keep him so the 1 year anniversary  was a des aster  my Parkinson's is a big problem now his dying seems to have pushed it on oh well how are you doing Paulus and Annie  I hope your weekend was not to bad  but it proberly was I thinking of you both 

 is  I

Hello terril; so nice to hear from you again.  You are right, you have suffered more than your fair share of tragedy in your life.  I don't pretend to understand the whys and wherefores of what happens in our life - it just seems so horribly random sometimes and very unfair.  But what can we do - I know you are still very bitter at this time but it is not the fault of your children - they are suffering too and I don't think it makes you feel any better to blame them..  Tell me (and Paul) did you manage to get back to sleeping in your bed at the weekend?  You mentioned that it would be the first time you had done so since you lost your husband. I was thinking of you and wondering about it.  Sorry your Parkinsons is causing you such problems.  Sometimes I think life is like a card game - you get what you are given and you cannot swap it for something else; we just have to somehow cope with the hand we receive.  Please keep in touch.  Annie