Hi there and welcome ...

Don't be so hard on yourself, that first year is the raw year, like a wound that won't heal ... you feeling all of those feelings because that's what grieving is ... anger / helpless / crying every day/ detachment ... thinking it was all a dream ...  there's no easy way through ... it's the price we pay having wonderfull mum's ... 

Paul McKenna helped when I read his book how to mend a broken heart ... he said think of the funniest memorie you have of that person ... relive it, word for word... every look, remember how it made you feel ..  play it slowly, over and over until that memory makes you smile ... and it takes away a bit of the pain ..

Remember your mum was o.k for nearly all her life... cancer was only a small time frame ... she would want you to remember the rest of her life before cancer ... because other wise cancer diddnt just take your mum, it also took the good memories ... l know this because I lost my wonderfull mum years ago, and she'd be pretty upset if I kept grieving ... she loved laughter ... and I picture her laughing when she's looking down and wer o.k ... 

And now I'm on my cancer journey and I've told all my wonderfull family they better remember all the good stuff .. have a cry, please miss me, talk about me, but then take life and run with it ...  my mum lives in my heart now.. and I hope I'll live in my family's heart too .. they are just waiting for us, when it's our time ... look in the mirror ... she is right there ... you are her... she made you ...

Hi there 

Im

so sorry that you are going through this. 

Cancer is so cruel.. I can relate to much of what you have described. 

We cared for mum at our family home, mum was diagnosed late March and passed away late August but there was never a mention of time left until 2 weeks before she died.... they said she had 2 weeks left and they were right to the day! On the day they told us.... my sister went to be induced as she was full term in her pregnancy.... for us we were fortunate as the baby was born before mum passed away - I’m really sorry this want the case for your family. 

I don’t have any magic answers for you which makes me sad..... taking about it helped me.... it was never normal again but as time went on I started learning the ‘new’ normal 

I still get really upset and sometimes still think ‘I’ll ring mum’ usually when I need advice about one of my kids being poorly or if I’ve had good news and then I remember I can’t.... 

unforunately for me there hasn’t been any good news of late my father in law is terminal and hubby is undergoing some tests than I’m praying will not come back as cancerous 

seeing someone you love decline and then die is horrific 

mover the first year you have a lot to deal with.... you have all the firsts (birthdays, Xmas etc) I worried about each occasion bus was proud for getting through each of them 

keep talking to your family and friends and counsellor try not to be too hard on yourself x you will remember things, just give it time 

you are very brave - you should remember that 

Thank you Chriss for your kind words, I often think that when I look in the mirror, hearing others felt the same really is reassuring, I’ve lost people before and never felt this way but as you say, that’s the price we pay for having such wonderful Mums x Thank you again and thoughts with you and your family through your journey x

Thank you MummyD for your message, One thing I’ve clung to is I’m proud of being able to maintain care of my mum at home, it’s so tough but i would do it forever if I could x I think I’m trying to push myself through this as if I can make everything better for me and my family but as you say is a year of firsts as well x sending thoughts for your family x