I am so sorry for your loss.  Please know that many times people don’t know what to say or do and may avoid the situation not knowing what to say.  I can say that because I am one of those people.  I have known people who wanted complete privacy after a loss and therefore I may have not reached out thinking it was the re respectful thing to do.  We all handle grief so differently.  Some people wish to be left almost totally alone with only immediate family and others wish to be surrounded by friends and family.  Please don’t assume your friends don’t care,  they just may not know how to reach out to you.   I would asvise call your friend as they may actually be afraid to call you,  now knowing what to say.  I have been really afraid to speake so someone after a death as I felt so helpless and knew there was nothing I could do that would help and feared saying the wrong thing and causing more pain.  I am sorry for your loss.  

If there true friends they will know what to say . Most people know the words sorry for you loss .to say nothing is like saying there pain is not important ive just lost the love of my life and thoes words sorry ment a lot to me a text saying how are you now and again was gold to me. To say nothing is like you mean nothing have no value . 

Hello alto.  I hope you don't mind my replying to your post.  I appreciate it may be difficult for you to know what to say when someone has been bereaved but perhaps you could at least send a short letter or card if you find it difficult to speak to them.  You won't know what they want unless you reach out.  It is so hurtful to hear nothing at all from friends when trouble comes.  A friend should not be afraid to make contact in one way or another and would accept whatever way it is received; life is not always meant to be easy and unless we try we cannot know how it would be received.  If they don't want to be visited fair enough; a friend will accept whatever is wanted but it is better than having someone you care for wondering why you have not tried to help them.  Please don't think I am trying to give you a hard time!  Annie

Here here absolutely we say friends but are they realy i may seem bitter ime not .I just see things how they are not how we would like them  to be. 

Well, at this point all but one friend have reached out. It's kind of interesting, because for a few years I have doubted the authenticity of the friendship. She only calls when she needs something, only invites us over when she needs help (my boyfriend does free renovations and computer repair for her) etc. She reciprocates, in that she gives generous gifts in return, but it feels more like a business transaction. The last time I saw her I knew my mother was dying, and we went out for ice cream with my boyfriend. She asked how I was doing, but I noticed she looked happy to move on to other topics. At the end of our visit she said that she'd be in touch when "it was all over" so that I could help her with her Spring cleaning. I guess I'm an idiot. She does pay me for the work I do for her (cleaning/organizing) so I know we'll be in touch. But I think from this point on I should just think of her as a "client" rather than friend. I didn't recieve a single message of "I'm sorry for your loss". It's really not that difficult. She keeps telling my boyfriend that she's thinking of me. But don't actions speak louder than words?

Anyway, sorry, I don't mean to go on about it. I am still feeling the gratitude of all the other people who have been so kind to me. I know that from this point on, I will be a better friend to my real friends. They deserve it. This has been a learning experience. 

Many years ago I studied psychology for a while, one of the things we considered were relationship/friendship types. One of these was transactional relationships. There's nothing wrong with them as long as both parties acknowledge this is what they are, problems arise when one party imagines there's something more going on. 

Chalk it up to experience, you've learned who your true friends are :-) 

Hi i call them toxic friends they are the most hurtful but we fear loosing them and they pray on it 

Annieliz, that is very well said. I agree. I know it can be hard to reach out to people, you might feel you are invading or bothering them. But it is really important to know that reaching out even with a small "hello...I'm so sorry for your loss" means the world to someone going through this. I guess it's not always commone sense though. I know that I haven't always reached out to people in the past. But I know that now that I have gone through this, I will never hesitate to reach out again. 

I just wanted to add a little update. When I started this thread, I honestly had no idea what to expect from anyone. I have never been through this kind of loss before. My mom was practically the only family I have, and meant the world to me. I'm struggling to imagine what my life will be like without her. 

I haven't always been a good friend in my life. I have social anxiety and find it hard to reach out to people. So, sadly, I really felt that when my mom died I'd be all alone, and that I'd deserve it. 

But I couldn't have been more wrong!!! I have received flowers, e-mails, phone calls and sympathy cards. I was invited over to a friends house for dinner, as they knew there was no food in my fridge. Another friend has reached out to see if I want to go and see a movie with her.

Today I recieved a card from my boyfriends colleagues. Inside the card there were 48 little handwritten messages from everyone expressing their condolences and $100! I was moved to tears and had to stop reading all the messages I was crying so much. Just the level of kindness and sympathy has been overwhelming, but so needed. This is exactly what a grieving person needs.

I wish that everyone who goes through this kind of loss can receive this much love and support. I have written my thank you cards and will be sending them tomorrow! I am also going to bake a cake for my boyfriend to bring into work. I feel it's so important to thank everyone who has been so kind to me.