Hi there ... so so sorry ... l lost my mum when I was mid 30s ... and she was my best buddy .. and my two boys adored her ... those first months feel raw .. it's getting used to a "new normal" when nothing feels normal ... l make myself remember the fun times... we always talk about her .. and the loving funny things she did ... and push out the painfull memories ... coz l think they would want us to remember good times ... as the sad ones were so few ... we had years of good memories ...

My boys still put photos of her holding them as babies ... they still mention her with love and smiles  even 29 years later .....

You could always make them a memory book later and add photos and write about those times ... then she will always stay in their hearts ... and they will remember her with a smile ... the raw pain does ease, but the "missing her"  is for always ... it's the price we pay for being blessed to  have amazing mums..

So be kind to your heart, it needs to go through all those feelings ... it's not good to cry all the time, or pretend it's all o.k ... it's about balance ... and it's no bad thing to share tears with your children ... they need to know it's o.k to cry ... or smile ... or do something normal ... there's no right or wrong way to grieve ... we just do the best we can, while our heart brakes ... sending you a big hug ... Chrissie

Hi Chrissie thanks for your kind reply. It's glad to know your children have never forgotten their grandma. My children are 17 and 12 and spent a lot of time with my mum so it just makes me so sad at the moment. Me and my daughter are planning on creating rings out of her ashes which I think is a nice thing to keep. I just feel so robbed that she died at 71 although I know I shouldn't as people lose their mums at a lot younger age. My mum was a very private person never one for discussing emotions, would never discuss death although I always told her I loved her evertime I left her in the last few weeks occasionally she said it back! My children were always hugging and kissing her. I know it's not even been 3 weeks yet and I would have hated for her to be stuck in a bed unable to move for much longer as she was such an active person. Love Kirsty x

Hi kirst kirst so sorry for your loss .i lost my lizzie a week ago and have been going over and over in my head could i have done more but have realised that i just can't have done more .cancer is to blame not you  sounds to me that you realy loved your mum or you would not be on this forum feeling this way. and as a dad i know that was the greatest gift you could have given her i know it sounds mussy but it truly is right and am sure others replying will say the same. guilt is maybe the first part of greiving process you have to go through for some its may be denial comes first or anger .but!! there are so many kind people out there to help you.if you haven't make arrangments with hospis for bereavement counciling  .if it overwhelmins you ring the samaritans so many people think there weak if they ring but thats not the case they have been great for me and ime no whimp just ring and when they answere just say hello i need help .you may find that you cant relate to that person just say thanks put the phone down and ring again till you get the right person. Also theres a bereavent helpline called cruz they open office hours all these lines are free and there to help you! .sorry about spelling etc but i have mild dyslexia best wishes from someone going through same as you but a little bit older and just a little bit further on i know i have more to come to but ime trying to prepare for that .my best wishs to you . Paul 

Hi Paul thank you for your kind words it does mean a lot and so sorry for the loss of your wife in such a sad way too I have been reading your story. Cancer is so cruel. I have had a better couple of days made better by the sunshine although mum is never far from my thoughts. I am glad you mentioned the counseling as my dad (were married for 51 years) is struggling with day to day life as he and mum did everything together. Im hoping the hospice will follow this up soon I can't be with him all the time and to be honest he upsets me as he is still so emotional and I feel I could get mad with him although I I know he is hurting greatly and then I feel mad with my self. Kirsty x

Hi there ... be kind to yourself ... l know probably the days and nights feel so long ... and that raw pain of missing them feels like it will never end ... it's like a deep cut that takes ages to heal, which it does, but always leaves a scar... but just keep thinking the good thoughts .. it must feel like your taking your dad's pain too ... it is hard when you both grieve in different ways ... but please do stuff for you too ... you need time away from your dad to feel what you need to feel ... and the same with your dad, you can't take his pain away ... he has to have those feelings too ... there's no way round feeling them ...

Paul, is in that raw pain too ... so you both need time ... and patient's with your hearts ... both for different reasons, yet the pain is Simerla. .. l remember so well ... I'd lost both my mum and dad in my 30s ... lost a cousin to lung cancer last november and now there's two of us with breast cancer .. and my sis who's in late stages of dementia ... an uncle with Parkinson's and a niece with cystic fibrosis... 

So l know well the pain of loosing loved ones ... that's why l say remember the good times, love the ones you still have... and be kind to your hearts ... they are all looking down on us ... we can make them proud .. and even you Paul,, while your hurting so much are reaching out to others ... I bet she's looking at you so proudly ... saying you can do this ... she's right there ... you just can't see her ... 

And Kirst ... you have the gift of your children .. talk to them about her ... doesn't matter if you share a few tears .. if you can do this, they will always remember your caring and strength to help them through ..and give them the cuddles for your mum .. it's only when you stop talking about her, the memories will fade .. 

Always here ... together you can both make it ... just need baby steps ... Chrissie

Thanks Chrissie sorry to hear your going through your own battle with breast cancer and your families other illnesses. So thank you for taking the time to reply to me. I know things will get better it just takes time being back at work helps me through the days it's the nights I'm struggling with at the moment.

Much love to you

Kirsty x