I know exactly how you feel. I lost my mum 7th March. She died suddenly in the night and I found her in the morning. If we’d had any idea her passing was imminent someone would have stayed with her (she lived alone). Now Im haunted by the image of her. One thing I will say is that when someone passes away at home the process is quite traumatic. I phoned the paramedics who came then got the police out as it’s protocol to check for no suspicious circumstances. Then you wait for your doctor to come then the undertakers. This took 7 hours. So maybe passing away in a hospice is more peaceful? I don’t know.

Sending hugs. It’s so hard. You’re in shock for so long and the sadness comes and goes, often when you least expect it.xxx

Heyjude, I’m so sorry for your loss too. That is a very traumatic experience. I’m sure you must be reliving that a lot. I think that I expected the hospice to be a more peaceful place than it turned out to be. She was worked up and in agony  only sedation helped  but then she was unable to communicate, eyes roles back etc  when she passed she suddenly ‘woke up’ and looked in agony. Can’t get that out of my mind  

I lost my son 5 years ago. It was so very hard. I know that the shock takes a long time to wear off, and even to this day, I still grieve for him. It never goes away; you just learn to cope I guess. I know I will in time. Just feel so lonely right now. 

I hope the coming days days are gentle to you. Xx

Hi, 

sorry for your loss , I know how you feel . My Mum passed away at 7am this morning after a diagnosis just 8 days ago . Mum had been ill for 12 months with lung/ heart problems but only after a ct scan on 22/3 did they discover multiple cancers last Tuesday . Having cared for her daily for that year I feel an overwhelming sense of grief and  loss . I just don’t know what to do with myself  and just want to shrivel up and cry . I’ve never felt pain  like this . We can’t get a date for her funeral until May 9th which seems ages away . I sat with Mum from 7 am until 10.30 pm in hospital yesterday but why do we still not say all the things we want to until those last moments when I’m not sure she would have been conscious enough . Never felt pain like this , my heart is breaking . 

I think counselling is a really good idea. Thankfully I still have a counselor since I lost my son. It helps. It just takes time. I get the flashbacks too. Caused by trauma I was told. 

Im so sorry for your loss JoJo. I was stunned at how quickly it seemed to develop happen too. Nothing prepared me for not only how brutal it was but also the quickness. The idea of not telling them you love them really does hurt. I think our mum’s knew though. I’m sure they did.