Hi chrisy how are you x 

Hi just wanted to ask how you are doing I'm terrible but trying so hard to get there x 

I understand 

my mum died in February this year

im having counselling the lady is lovely but it’s not really helping me. Im scared of crying I appear to have lost all memories of my mum apart from the last few days which I’m haunted by

i hope time will make it easier but the grieving process hasn’t even started yet

I can totally relate to this I lost my mother yesterday she was my best friend and the bravest person I know. She was let down by the nhs and because of her treatment I didn’t get the chance to say what I wanted to or do the things she wanted to although we knew she was going to die i never expected it to be that quick and now I’m stuck with the awful memories of her last few days. I wasn’t able to do what she wanted and feel I let her down. The pain is awful I keep thinking they could have given her more time. I’m tortured with “what ifs” at the moment. 

Iam so sorry, this is truly the most awful experience you will go through, this world is so cruel and I can only offer you love at this moment, nothing will make sense at the moment, you will be in shock then after dealing with everything you will grieve  so I have noticed if you need a chat let me know, I'm thinking of you as I know how hard this is bless you    By the way I felt guilt still do but there is nothing we could of done, if the bloody docs don't know how are we it's just shocking mate, try and stay strong if you can x 

Hello,

Sorry to hear of your suffering. I think after passing the year mark the shock has warn off a little and I’m trying to process what the new ‘normal’ is. I do feel a certain emptiness most of the time. We are also trying to conceive at the moment and that has been tough. Trying to conceive when you’re still grieving and feeling devastated that my mum will never meet my children. 

Did you do the bereavement counseling in the end? I did it for 12 weeks and did take away some stuff with me and talked it all through. I guess in the end it’s trying to live with it and not let it take over as I know that isn’t what our mum’s would have wanted for us. Xx

Thankyou for replying and I am so sorry for your loss.I feel so lost , I’m searching everywhere for answers and reassurance but the only person that can give this to me is no longer here. How do you deal with so much pain and continue to function?

It's hard  very hard, my mum made everything right she gave me so much confidence when I was so down, still nearly five months on I want to ring her and tell her I'm not ill or it was this or it was that and you can't and then I cry, i haven't stopped for five months but there are still things we have to do in life one I have a daughter who's 21 and has kind of had enough of me moping and not sleeping but I notice the days go by slowly and quickly if you know what I mean, I sit here now and think no has she really gone I cry then I have to have a shower or cook or try and go to work thats all you do it's all you can do , you try and think my mum would be telling me to stop crying she was brave in the end she didn't know what was about to happen and I never got to say goodbye or how much I loved her even though she knew   , that was my mum and that horrible cheeky disease took her from me cheated that's what I feel but one day it will be us not meaning cancer but obviously one day we will go and it just makes me carry on as we don't know what's round the corner but it still doesn't stop the heartbreaking days of waking up without her bless you x 

Not yet should start next week I hope thanks for your reply, i know you are right just very hard hope you are OK x