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Mum died suddenly

Jaw54
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My mum died yesterday she was 64 too young she wanted to go places, she had a scan two  years ago and they missed a 1 cm lung tumour. She went to the doctors four months ago coughing up blood pain and swollen lymph node he told her it was a chest infection , now four months on she's dead imI devastated and i just want to die and be with her but I have a daughter she didn't want to die she was so beautiful and she was so scared, I watched her dying and being sick no energy her life at the end was so cruel  .I took a month off to look after her she went down we went to a hospice in a hospital and there she died with a intravenous diazepam injection as she had become delirium maybe it was her time to go, she got let down by all of the nhs and im going to get justice for her this is the worst thing i have ever seen  i just want to die my beautiful mum is lying dead when she could of been saved two years ago. Someone has to pay for this. 

  • Offline in reply to dollyblueeyes
    Hi i am so sorry about your mum, I agree you need answers I don't feel that people who have cancer that is managed by palliative care are given proper care, my mum was messed around from the end of November 2017 told her coughing up blood and pains were her copd the doctor turned her away for 3 and a half months to which she could of been having treatment which would of give her 12 months possibly longer with immunotherapy, we have been robbed of that chance, it was only when another doctor came on the scene and ordered a cat scan she was told on the 5th of March she died on the 24th can you believe that. During that time she was coughing up more blood in fact lots had brown bile became incontinent both ways sleeping all the time I had 3 doctors out mcmillan nurse out twice nobody helped us and it wasn't until the Thursday night before she died on the Saturday they admitted her, how is this humane, Saturday morning she died apparently of a blood clot, this could of been building up, why didn't anyone pick this up, i now feel guilt and I'm devastated by all of this I just can't cope she was my world I took a month off work to look after her thank god I did as the doctors or NHS can not be relied upon, I hope you get your answers it's the only thing keeping me going, getting justice for her, i hope you are OK and I feel your pain I only hope you stay strong bless your mum so sad xx
  • Offline in reply to Chriss

    Hi chrisy how are you x 

  • Offline in reply to DawnAngela

    Hi just wanted to ask how you are doing I'm terrible but trying so hard to get there x 

  • Offline in reply to Jaw54

    I understand 

    my mum died in February this year

    im having counselling the lady is lovely but it’s not really helping me. Im scared of crying I appear to have lost all memories of my mum apart from the last few days which I’m haunted by

    i hope time will make it easier but the grieving process hasn’t even started yet

     

  • Offline

    I can totally relate to this I lost my mother yesterday she was my best friend and the bravest person I know. She was let down by the nhs and because of her treatment I didn’t get the chance to say what I wanted to or do the things she wanted to although we knew she was going to die i never expected it to be that quick and now I’m stuck with the awful memories of her last few days. I wasn’t able to do what she wanted and feel I let her down. The pain is awful I keep thinking they could have given her more time. I’m tortured with “what ifs” at the moment. 

  • Offline in reply to Cassandra1

    Iam so sorry, this is truly the most awful experience you will go through, this world is so cruel and I can only offer you love at this moment, nothing will make sense at the moment, you will be in shock then after dealing with everything you will grieve  so I have noticed if you need a chat let me know, I'm thinking of you as I know how hard this is bless you    By the way I felt guilt still do but there is nothing we could of done, if the bloody docs don't know how are we it's just shocking mate, try and stay strong if you can x 

  • Offline in reply to Jaw54

    Hello,

    Sorry to hear of your suffering. I think after passing the year mark the shock has warn off a little and I’m trying to process what the new ‘normal’ is. I do feel a certain emptiness most of the time. We are also trying to conceive at the moment and that has been tough. Trying to conceive when you’re still grieving and feeling devastated that my mum will never meet my children. 

    Did you do the bereavement counseling in the end? I did it for 12 weeks and did take away some stuff with me and talked it all through. I guess in the end it’s trying to live with it and not let it take over as I know that isn’t what our mum’s would have wanted for us. Xx

  • Offline in reply to Jaw54

    Thankyou for replying and I am so sorry for your loss.I feel so lost , I’m searching everywhere for answers and reassurance but the only person that can give this to me is no longer here. How do you deal with so much pain and continue to function?

  • Offline in reply to Cassandra1

    It's hard  very hard, my mum made everything right she gave me so much confidence when I was so down, still nearly five months on I want to ring her and tell her I'm not ill or it was this or it was that and you can't and then I cry, i haven't stopped for five months but there are still things we have to do in life one I have a daughter who's 21 and has kind of had enough of me moping and not sleeping but I notice the days go by slowly and quickly if you know what I mean, I sit here now and think no has she really gone I cry then I have to have a shower or cook or try and go to work thats all you do it's all you can do , you try and think my mum would be telling me to stop crying she was brave in the end she didn't know what was about to happen and I never got to say goodbye or how much I loved her even though she knew   , that was my mum and that horrible cheeky disease took her from me cheated that's what I feel but one day it will be us not meaning cancer but obviously one day we will go and it just makes me carry on as we don't know what's round the corner but it still doesn't stop the heartbreaking days of waking up without her bless you x 

  • Offline in reply to DawnAngela

    Not yet should start next week I hope thanks for your reply, i know you are right just very hard hope you are OK x 

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