Hello heartstring.  I am sorry that your mum was taken from you in this way.  To lose a parent is awful and people react differently.  It is not uncommon to go into a denial mode; everyone has their own way of coping.  Be gentle with yourself.  When my mum died of cancer some years ago I used to "talk" to her too.  Do whatever helps you cope.  By managing all the things that had to be done following your mum's death you have shown inner strength because it is never easy. It is stilll very early days so don't expect too much from yourself.  I am attaching some information from this website about how people may grieve - I think some of it will make sense to you.  Please do keep posting and tell us how you are getting on if it helps  you to do this.  Annie

www.cancerresearchuk.org/.../coping-with-grief

I am so sorry for the pain and loss you are suffering.

I was told 3 days ago that my mom,is terminal. I cry every day, and theres nothing wrong with that.

I talk to her as if she can actually hear me already, and theres nothing wrong with that.

I guess what im trying to say is all those feelings and emotions are not uncommon, at all.(i hope lol)

As far as the "pretending" she not gone. Just the fact that you can acknowledge you are aware of your own pretense sugests that you are slowly allowing the reality of it to sink in.

Our moms raised us. they are in every descion we make every thought process is affected by who they were and that wont change when they are gone. In that way we keep them alive too.

I wish for you all the best and i hope your days of extreme sufferage ease.

Thank you for your kind words especially given your own heartache