Hello Bonanza.  I am so sorry.  So sad the clinical trial did not work out and at the moment it is probably not much consolation that she has been part of something that will help point the way for future ways of treating cancer.

I hope that you can now find ways of making each day count.  I don't know how ill she actually is now but I hope you will be able to take in some things that she would enjoy doing.  This is going to be a hard time for you and your family.  I have not had cancer myself but have cared for family and friends and it is sometimes very difficult to be cheerful but the priority is of course always to keep up the spirits of your loved one.   I hope you are getting support throughout this time either from friends or agencies such as MacMillan who give support to cancer patients and their families.

My very best wishes and do keep posting here as an outlet for your fears and tears. 

Thanks Annieliz 

I went to stay at my sister's on Wednesday night.

I want to spend as much time with her as possible. I find it hard to enjoy time together because as soon as I start having a nice time I burst into tears and get very upset because we won't be able to do it much longer. This might not be helpful to my sister but I find it uncontrollable.

She also says she doesn't really want to do anything particularly special. I think the pressure of trying to make time count can feel a bit much. 

It isn't fair. I don't want her to go. I am going to miss her so much. 

I don't know how to make the time count now and I am so scared I wish she could stay

It is the saddest thing. How can there be a world without her. I am angry at the doctors. I am angry at anyone over 30, a birthday she won't get to enjoy and she would enjoy it she has a real lust for life she makes sure to enjoy things and values life so much she is much more positive and kind and friendly than me it isn't fair

Wow I'm not allowed to say a word that rhymes with dust and starts with L