My Mum has died

I thought I was doing ok, but it finally hit me yesterday after weeks of numbness, feeling like a zombie...

My dear Mum was diagnosed with lung cancer in November 2016 and passed away in October 2017. Her cancer has spread to her brain, and seeing her gradually lose her abilities until she could no longer walk, talk or eat was heartbreaking. She never complained once. 

I miss calling her to have a chat. I miss her laughter and our silly jokes. She has left such a gap in my life, in my children's life. Christmas went ok, we went through it. My husband is such a rock.

I think I was in denial. I have been so angry as well. Bitter even, which I hate. I don't like chit chat anymore. Losing someone is so isolating. Friends avoiding you as they don't know what to say. 

I feel totally lost and so lonely, even when I have people around me. It's true what they say, that you have to go through it to understand.

Parents
  • Hi Chloe- I'm in similar situ situation. How old are you and how old was your mum? My mother was 63 diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and died within 18 months. She was actually almost herself until the last few weeks, which was in some ways a blessing, but made her passing a sock even though we knew it was coming. Basically the pain became acute and the pain relief drugs killed her. My niece and nephew miss hier, but now 8 weeks on I miss her more than I believed possible. My wee boy too young to register it. It just kinda feels that any innocence that comes from not facing mortality is gone. I am only clining onto the fact that I have been lucky not to face this till the age of 34. Luckier than a lot of folk. But it doesnt take the 'missing my mum' part away  nalkate xx

  • Hi Nalkate, I am so sorry for your loss. I am 46 and my mum was 67. The cancer slowly affected her brain so she had moments of clarity followed by a confused state of mind. She was bedridden for the last 6 months. I also try to look on the "bright" side and be grateful for the good times. It's just the huge void my mum left. My son (8), broke down this morning because he missed her. My 5 year-old has become really agressive and keeps drawing pictures of his granny asking her to come back. And my 12 year-old daughter has become rather quiet. Our whole family dynamic has changed forever. Xx

  • I'm really sorry to read about the impact your mum passing away is having on your children Chloe. I can't begin to imagine how difficult this must be for you all but I just wanted to stop by and let you know that cruse bereavement have a section on their website dedicated to children that may help. Just click here to find out more.

    I know it's not much but I hope it can be of some help to you and your family at this time.

    Kind regards, 

    Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator

Reply
  • I'm really sorry to read about the impact your mum passing away is having on your children Chloe. I can't begin to imagine how difficult this must be for you all but I just wanted to stop by and let you know that cruse bereavement have a section on their website dedicated to children that may help. Just click here to find out more.

    I know it's not much but I hope it can be of some help to you and your family at this time.

    Kind regards, 

    Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator

Children
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