Hello, this is the first time I have ever posted on any forum - I am in a dark place and I thought maybe someone out there might be able to help me make sense of it all. I lost my Mum four months ago, she had lung cancer. She lived for 5 months after her diagnosis and these were the saddest most awful months. She was terrified from the beginning, she coped minute to minute but her fear was the worst thing as I couldn't help her with it. I keep reliving the last weeks, I just can't get past it. She suffered so terribly in all ways - emotional and physical. I did all that I could but I felt helpless and so very very sad for her. The last night was traumatic, the nurse said it was Terminal Agitation. It was just awful, mum seemed in constant pain and distress for the whole night. Nothing eased her suffering, no medication or comfort. I cannot explain how appalling it was to see her suffer in this way. Nobody should have to endure that, I can't come to terms with it at all. She had no peace. I can't stop myself thinking about it, it's like a film that keeps playing over and over in my head and it fills me with despair. I see her face, her pain and fear, I hear her cries. I wish I could have taken it all away from her. I carry this like a lead weight on my chest - life goes on, I have a loving husband, two wonderful teenage kids and a meaningful job but this darkness won't leave me. Can anyone help?
