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Not coping with losing my partner

Fc77
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I lost my partner of 19 yrs and mum to my

4 kids at the end of June this year she was 36and had small cell carcinoma of the cervix which spread to her liver. Since she past things have gone from bad to worse as soon as she was gone friends and family just stopped coming down and I was left to deal with it alone with my 4 children. To make matters worse social services got involved because apparently it was reported that one of my boys stayed out all night when he was meant to be at a friend's anyway to cut a long story short they put my children on the at risk register and accused me of neglect because i didn't make my children go to school after what happened (apparently I love them to much according to one social worker) benefits were stopped and I got in arrears with the rent and now the council have seeked possession of the house. I was also told by social services that I should be over this now and in control of everything every day has been an uphill struggle since she past away I been bottling up my feelings now for 5 months now and to be honest it's killing me without her and I don't know how much more I can take. 

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    A very warm welcome to Cancer Chat, Fc77. I'm so sorry to hear that you lost your wife to cancer earlier this year. 

    I'm sure someone will be along soon to chat but, in the meantime, I just wanted to stop by to share some links that I hope might be helpful to you. 

    The first is a link to Cruse, a bereavement care charity. They offer free, confidential support by telephone, email or face-to-face. You can find out more about how to get in touch with them on their website.

    I also wanted to mention Samaritans, as they're there to talk at any time of the day or night, should you need to.

    Finally, I wanted to let you know about Macmillan's financial support team - they have lots of great information online, and you can also give them a ring (0808 808 00 00) to talk about your circumstances with your housing. On that note, Citizens Advice may be helpful, too.

    I do hope you're able to get some good support from others on here soon; many people on this forum have sadly lost someone close to them, so they'll know just how you're feeling. 

    With best wishes,

    Helen
    Cancer Chat moderator

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    Hi FC,

    So sorry to read about your tragic loss and the impact this is having on you and your boys. There is no right or wrong way to cope with such a devastating loss and whoever told you that you should be over it by now obviously has little experience either as a professional or as a human being. We all react differently to grief and traumatic stress, there is no right or wrong way and there are certainly no time limits. 

    Is your extended family aware of these developments? If not, it would be worth letting them know before things spiral out of control. One of the things social workers will look at is whether your children's extended family and friends offer a network of support or whether they and you are socially isolated. 

    As Helen says, CRUSE may be able to offer some practical help and support. Your issues with rent arrears and the threat of eviction are exactly what the Citizen's Advice Bureau are there for - please contact them as soon as possible and get them on your side. They have offices in most towns - just enter your postcode on this page to find the nearest one to you  www.citizensadvice.org.uk/

    I hope you get this sorted out as soon as possible, you shouldn't have this hanging over your head whilst you're still grieving.

    Best wishes

    Dave

     

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