Hi Amanda... loosing a parent is one of the hardest things we’ll ever go through, second only to loosing a child ... my dad suffered for a couple of years with phunmonacosis of his lungs .. he was so like the B F G ...even looked like him ... he was pure magic and the gentalist dad and I was so proud he was my dad .. I found out after that he’d been terribly abused as a child ... and to know how much he suffered at the end broke my heart .... but I was not going to let any one or anything take away those beautiful memories I had of him .. so every time I think of him in pain I make myself remember a wonderful memory... what he said, the stories he would make up, the magic tricks he showed us all when we were young, then our kids watched him in wonder ... 

if you can keep your mums good times in your heart, I think that’s how she would want you to remember her .. you have to mentally be determined to see the beautiful mum she was .. I know if I loose my cancer journey, that’s how I’d love my sons and grandkids to remember me ... we’ve had so many amazing times I’ve told them I’ll be watching .. they could miss me but I want to see them smiling and laughing at funny memories.. even if there’s a few tears along the way ... 

we were so lucky to have had such wonderful parents, me and you .. I still look up and speak to my mum and dad and tell them how our wonderful families are doing ... I’m sure they hear ... and they don’t leave us, they stay in our hearts forever ... your stronger then you realise... I bet she’s so so proud of her girl .. thinking of you .... Chrisie xx ️