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Grief after losing my mum

DawnAngela
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In June this year my mum passed away, 10 months after her diagnosis. We were extremely close, I lived with them until last year, we went on holidays all the time, we were best friends, I told her everything and she was my rock. It has now been 2-3 months and I can't face my grief. I feel pain and I think about her all day every day. When I think about it I feel like I'm suffocating and in the run up to her passing I was having panic attacks. Now I can't seem to cry? And I don't understand why? When I do feel everything it feels horrific. I just cannot understand it as she was the nicest sweetest person in the world and did so much for everyone. I am only 30 years old and she was only 59 and I feel that we, and more importantly she, has been completely robbed. I can't get over it but I also can't cry and want to know how others felt after the death of someone they loved with all their heart? How do you cope with the suffering? Both what you feel now and how you saw them at the end? She was my favourite person in the world.

  • Offline in reply to Lostandangry
    Lostandangry you sound just like me. I lost my beloved Mum suddenly in September 2016, just 14 months after my Dad. I feel no better at all, it just gets worse. I can't believe they are both gone and I will never see them in this life again. I miss ringing Mum up, I miss visiting her, I miss her at Christmas and birthdays and Mother's Day, all very, very hard. I have no family of my own, they WERE my family. I miss her beautiful smile, I miss her love and I miss her company. I understand what you mean when you say shows come on that she loves. I always think when something comes on TV that Mum would have liked 'she can't watch this now' and I long with an ache to tell her things that keep happening all the time, like I always did. She was a brilliant Mum. They were both in their 80's when I lost them, but I too wish they could have lived into their 90's like so many people do nowadays - imagine all those extra Christmases with them. It seems we are not all alone, but nothing takes the pain away, does it ? xxx
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    Hi DawnAngela, I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my mum last October , 11 months after her diagnosis. I go from not being  able to cry, to crying for hours. I am very reserved, and I miss the only person I could really talk to. That closeness we had. I am so sorry you are feeling the pain. I find that being on here helps a lot, being with people who are going through the same, as sadly, you don't realise how tough it is until you are faced with that unbearable pain. 

    I'm here if you want to talk.

    Big hugs.

    Xxx

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    I'm so sorry for your loss, the way you described your relationship with your mum was so like mine with my wonderful mum who passed only 2 weeks ago. The pain is horrendous and sometimes I feel that I'll never stop crying. She was a wonderful person and loved by everyone who knew her. I wish I could offer you comfort but at least, we have been so lucky to have had wonderful brave mums who would want us to be strong and go on with our lives. I don't think that the void can ever be filled... Xxxx

  • Offline in reply to Jumay

    Hi, I wonder if anyone can help me. My mum recently (July) passed away after a three year battle with lung cancer. Although she was poorly it still came as a massive shock as she was having treatment and I suppose I just wanted so desperately for it to be working. She was 73. Four days after losing my mum my dad suddenly passed away, he hadn't been ill and I had been with him that night talking about and remembering mum. They had been married over 50 years. The paramedic said it was broken heart syndrome. I can't begin to describe the grief, I feel like I can't breathe. Part of me still doesn't believe it. The last three years have been devoted to my mum and her cancer and now she's gone and so has dad and I feel like I can't cope. My world centred around them, we were so close. It's been a few months now and I feel no better, still heartbroken and empty and I cannot see a way forward. I am trying to take things one day at a time but with Christmas looming I can't cope. I have family and  a young daughter but I can't deal with her grief when I'm still full of my own. The world just carries on but my world stopped. When will it get better?

  • Offline in reply to leam

    Sorry to hear that you have had a really tough time of it. You just have to take each day as it comes and not think too far ahead. Have you been to see a Counsellor? Might be worthwhile. It’s such a horrific time. The only things I can really say is that someone once said to me your mum wouldn’t want you to keep feeling like this. You have to live your life as they would want you to and with them in your heart. Sorry I don’t have anything better to say to comfort you. Xx

  • Offline in reply to DawnAngela

    Thank you so much for taking the time to reply. My one comfort is that they are together. I haven't been to a counsellor, I was on tablets for anxiety prior to all this and have doubled the dosage in an attempt to numb the pain. I suppose I find it difficult because the world just carries on but if I could I would never get out of bed. I want to wallow and cry all day but I just can't think too much as I'm not sure I would ever stop if I started. Thank you again for taking the time to respond xx

  • Offline in reply to leam

    Hi leam,

    I'm so sorry to hear about your mum and dad and although I dont know how to help you, I can reassure you that there are plenty of us in the same boat. I lost my dad at 53 to a massive heart attack. I was 27. 4 months ago I lost my amazing mum to a sudden brain haemorrhage.

    I have cried for 21 weeks solidly and the last couple of days I've suddenly stopped crying. I just feel so numb and disinterested in anything. I look after my 12 year old daughter and keep the house going and manage to go to work where I give 50 percent of what i used to. I have no interest in music or socialising. I rarely smile and i feel like I'm just existing.

    I think we just have to throw ourselves into our young daughters and plod through life congratulating ourselves on getting through another day. 

    The time of the year isn't helping and I'm hoping things might get a bit brighter in the new year although without my lovely mum by my side I doubt it.

    Thinking of you.

    Cheryl x

  • Offline in reply to leam

    Hi There

    I am so sorry to hear what has happend to both your parents, My Mum passed away on 13th Sep after only findng out she had cancer in May this year so I totally under stand and get where your coming from.

    I do not have a partner or any children, only my Dad left, and the same as yours they had been married 50 years, reading your post is exctalty how I feel and I wish someone could put Chrtismtams on hold this year.

    If i can help or you  just need a chat please just message me x

  • Offline in reply to Sara46

    Hi sara46,

     

    I'm sorry to hear about your mum as well. Even though nearly 5 months has passed for me it feels like minutes ago that I last sat and chatted with her, saw her and were living our normal lives. The last 5 months have been a blur x

  • Offline in reply to C1971

    Its horrible isnt it, you try to get on with things the best you can but only as you have to.

    I just feel that nothing makes me happy these days, I dont want to do things part from things I have to do (like work) I go home every weekend checking on my poor Dad but do not feel I can even comfort him.

     

    Please, if you need anytihng just ask x

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